Looking for a light

OK ENOUGH OF THE COCK UP POSTS AZRUL. TIME TO TALK ABOUT NICE STUFF. Like rainbows, and unicorns...

Anyways, I was thinking, soccer is realli exciting as it is, but out of every match, beyond the goals, or the red cards, the rest of the match is not so exciting. Dats why I alwyas channel surf when ppl go and take a throw in, or somebody is just lying on the floor injured, or even worse, sometimes when they're stroking the ball at the back, I am so bored, just gotta go switch to another match or to AXN or something.

So here are the few ways I recommend:

1) Mic up one or two players like in the NBA, havent we always wondered what the heck the players are saying to each other when they miss an open goal, or when the ref calls something stupid? Well its time we hear what they say. The NBA does this, so its definitely possible. Of cos we may here some vulgarities, but cmon, we all frown on it, but its like second nature in English football. Well maybe to solve this, it should be shown during the breaks, like throw ins and stuff, so there is a chance to edit, and put in the "bleep".

2) Mic up the ref as well, perhaps we can empathise wif their handling the game, and of cos see how he manages to not slap the players despite how much they scold him.

3) Have a camera in the dressing room during half time, i mean cant telecast all naturally but wouldnt it be great to actually see fergie's infamous hairdresser treatment?

4) Video replays are a must, if the person is not sure then the ref should stop the game to see the video replay, which should be telecast live on the titatron in the stadium, they do this in rugby, and though it slows down stuff, least it saves the refs from being castrated by the media, and also makes sure people dont cheat, u noe its like in the afterlife kinda thing, and god telecasts whatever u do in front of everybody, so same lor, im sure drogba wont be a bastard handballer, if he noes everybody in the stadium at the moment can see hehandballed. cos even though we can see the offence at home, we must rem that ppl in the stadium dont.

5) Use the bonus goals system, where scoring beyond x number of goals will give u an extra point, that way, there are more permutations to winining the league, instead of the leaders pulling away such as in the urrent German, Italian, English and Spanish leagues. Its actually quite a good system, also used in rugby so why not?

Hmmm dats all for now, I think, will think of more ways, but I assure you everything I mentioned is feasible, cos most of it has been done in other sports, I guess soccer wants to keep its identity,being such a popular sport and being played as it is for ages, so ppl. might be resistant to change.I dunno.

Anyways, crap, I thought this would take my mind of things at hand, but it hasnt. Oh well, wateva lar.

Out.

posted by Me @ 11:11 AM 0 comments

Hi all,today has been a greatly confusing day for me, faced wif a major decision to make.

Should i continue wif my coaching?

Half the team is on the verge of mutiny, and the worse kind, the silent one which will creep up and suddenly catch u blindsided. Today Tan was one sentence away from removing me as coach. In front of the PE dept some more.

Should i or should i not? I mean lets face it, ppl already seem to think they know everything so why not let them handle it?

If TJC can train without a coach I am sure the educated young ladies from VJ can do just the same.

Will i regret this? Probably.

Will I do it?

Stay tuned.

Im tired of this.

Yang I am ok, dont worry k? You've known me long enough, I got this and I will be ok.

Out.

posted by Me @ 10:29 PM 0 comments

hello all.

I was thinking about putting in a realli long entry, but well lets just see how far i go.

Today was the cut, and seeing Dorcas cry has relli broken my heart. I also forgot to mention Viv's name, and well to cut a long story short, it was a massive miscommunication and assumption on everybody's part which led to the whole predicament. But anyways, I would never cut Vivian lar, not unless she is severely injured or punches me in the face, which well was close to happening today. I tell you how the whole hing unfolded was so cock up i dunno whether to laugh or cry, will have to tell everybody on Wednesday.

Anyways cutting ppl hurts lar, i hate being a dream taker, i wanna help people live their dreams and not take it away from them. Seeing Dorcas cry realli hurt me lar, as in she is so desperate in the team, yet other ppl wif more talent can just give the chance up as in they are more talented but dont have 1/2 the heart. Realli dunno what to say man.

Today has been a bad day for coaching. FIrst the cut, second Viv telling me how some players hate me, third certain quarters bitching about other ppl. Aiyoh, I have to seriously reevaluate my position on this whole thing in the coming year, dunnoe if im made for this kinda stuff.

Well time will tell soon enough, im not the sort to throw in the towel, but sometimes i think its just good to walk away, dats just how the cookie crumbles rite?

Out.

posted by Me @ 10:38 PM 0 comments

Hello all, its sunday, and I'm about to go for a double tuition slot...sigh, but its ok lar, having th kids around and helping them out has always been great.

Anyways, so yest. was the NUS match, which went brilliant btw, we managed to play on the VJC field, and one thing I must say is dat most if not all the players knew excatly what they were doing, and I'm realli proud of dat cos the girls were playing with SHAPE. Which is realli important btw. I did not praise the girls too much, although I was so so proud of them, but cos I want everybody, including myself, to keep our feet grounded, cos its still a long road ahead, so cross our fingers, hopefully everything will be ok.

I decided to individually evaluate everybody yesterdae, but then I still missed out Jie Min, I cannot beleive it, even when everybody is in front of me, I can actually miss out ppl. Sigh, quite a few of the soccer boys were back in school yesterdae wacthing the game, pramod was helping me out, Sudi was there, Han feng and Cheng Wei as well, so it was great.

And of cos who can ever forget the great Mr Lofty, this man is amazing, my only regret is dat I din take TSD or something, and interact more wif him, he's realli brilliant, realli. The girls were like asking me to make him our new teacher i/c, but well girls, I would do dat in a heartbeat, only dat he told me he cannot commit to something he cannot put in his full energy into.

And of cos, the higlight of the day came, when on the way home from dinner, got a msg from Sudi, or Prat, as I call him, asying that he was realli impressed wif the team and the set-up and wanted to donate 150 bux to the team.

Stun.

I actually msgd him to ask him if he was serious. And of cos he was. the money will go a long way, and I realised that we are slowly getting the recognition that we deserve. I dunno how far we will go, but as Jolyn said, if we keep up the performance we had in the first half, the sky is the limit.

Well dats it for now, to all the girls who read this I just wanna tell you how much your efforts mean to me, and hope u understand why sometimes I'm hard on you guys. But never ever doubt I have an infinite amount of faith to you guys no matter what.

On a side note, Vivian has a massive fanatic in the school security guard, hahaha, he was realli impressed wif her, he just kept ranting her name to me like 5-6 times as I was going to school. Looks like coming to school late may not be a problem Viv. Haha.

Uni dear, pls get well soon ok, u stubborn girl, pls go to the doctor k? Exam is too near for you to be sick. *hugz* And of cos, u being sick deprives us of each others' company. Which sux btw!!

Well, dats all its time for tuition, this week has been super busy, but u noe what? I've spent a lot of the time helping other people, and dats what matters. Next up is the first team cut. Sigh.

Nothing without labour.

Out.

posted by Me @ 12:15 PM 0 comments

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!

FINALLY.

Finally managed to settle everything for the girls soccer, admin wise I mean, I swear if I have to go thru this next year I will just collapse lar. The schedule is tight but fine, cos it means everybody can play, the issue with the IPs concerning age is also settled, so everything is a-ok.

The next few months will be a precarious balancing act which involves school and the team, but I realli believe I can pull of both. But I must say the sense of relief is something I havent felt for a long while, cos the agony was realli too much. 5 bloody pimples on my already scarred face cos of all the stress. Lets just hope its all worth it.

On another note, yesterdae I spoke to the girls, ok rather lambasted them for not having the correct positive "can-do" attitude towards the game, I hope they have all learnt something, I dont want us to do badly because of all things, our mental state, dat is simply inexcusable. Well the good news is we have another month before the comp starts so its all looking up, with the friendly matches in hand, and our new "home" at ECP, I think we can do this.

Speaking about mental state, today an article came out about Singapore getting whcked like 100 plus to 16 in Commonwealth netball. And u noe what the people said, they complained syaing there was no way cos the Aussies are taller, and even went far enough as to say that we should be given handicap in the future. I mean seriously, why not just ask to play in the special olympics? This is what I mean, the whining must stop, no excuses must be made, if we do well, its cos we work for it, and if we dont, dont start blaming your oppo for being too good, or this or that being against you.

This is what I mean for the team. Whether we do well or not in the comp, its not about the fixtures, not about the style of play, not about how good the oppo is. It all comes down to ourselves. I think that the netball team is setting an awful example to the rest of the country. Dont have to say sorry cos we got trashed, just admit tht its the teams fault and start working on other things. I noe I dont noe much about netball, but though height can give u an advantage, it doesnt mean that short ppl cannot play, they just have to find more ways around it, more fluid play around the perimeter, more accurate shooting, more plyometric exercises so the girls can jump much higher.

Remember everybody, whether u think u can, or u think you cant. You're right.

Out.

posted by Me @ 12:22 PM 0 comments

Sigh.

One day before the freakin deadline and the FAS is realli cutting it close, too close for comfort, so much so that I have a feeling they might not release the fixtures as promised. Typical.

Anyways, I guess the anxiety is realli getting to me, to see who we will be playing and when. Of course the all important question concerning the year twos will also be answered, hopefully in a more positive manner.

Nonetheless I must say currently out of the batch of seniors, only 4, in my book deserve to make it into the team based on their commitment level, and these are the 4 i will feel truly sorry for should the unfortunate event of the competition being too late occurs. Can't realli say much for the rest, well not realli I can say tons, but knowing the viewership of his blog, I will choose to reserve it.

Lets just get thru tomorrow first.

Out.

posted by Me @ 9:43 PM 0 comments

Ok let me try nd do this fast cos I've got a ton of places to go to as well as a million different things to do. Things are so different nowadays. Back in the past it used to be busy about oly one thing. But now, there are a gazillion different things concerning different facets of life to handle.

Anyways, Soccer Camp 2006 finally came to an end on Saturday nite, and what a camp it was. The only previous experience I've had in organising a camp was back in Sec 3 for the Drama Camp and of course the Sec 1 Camp in 2000. But other than dat not much, and besides I've always had quite a lot of help in the past. So this time round it was realli different, with people I'm not really used to, with charges rather than peers. Very different experience.

But all the 3 days seem worth it, the girls looked like they enjoyed themselves, well most of them did I think, but of course there are the minority, of whom I choose to ignore. And of course, no day in training would be complete without the infamous emotional flare-up, so wat more on 3 days of training? Came from so many peoepl I am also lost for words lar, just try my best to alleviate the situation.

But the last day was realli enjoyable even for myself, as I participated in soem fo the games, that the C3 organised. Like one where I had to put a stocking on my head, freak man, damn embrassing lar, hello it was saturday evening at ECP, the whole world was there. But nemind buckled down to do the task at hand, which was easier than I thought. Then it was the scissor paper stone game, with flour and water, involved, n I must say dat my S-P-S game sux big time, realli no luck. After dat luckily it was off for me, as the teams evened out and I watched them play with rotten fruits and vege, as well as spinning around a cock up newspaper stick.

Overall I would say dat I am satisfied wif the camp and its outcome for this year, considering its in its infant year. But of c0urse it can be better. After this season is over, we have to get a new teacher IC and push for a residential, dat will be solid.

Oh well, other than dat, its back to serious business now, back to hard raw training, with the tournament getting very close, and fixtures are 2 days away, so realli crossing my fingers. Alright, its time to go now, till later.

Out.

posted by Me @ 11:39 AM 0 comments

Ok let me try nd do this fast cos I've got a ton of places to go to as well as a million different things to do. Things are so different nowadays. Back in the past it used to be busy about oly one thing. But now, there are a gazillion different things concerning different facets of life to handle.

Anyways, Soccer Camp 2006 finally came to an end on Saturday nite, and what a camp it was. The only previous experience I've had in organising a camp was back in Sec 3 for the Drama Camp and of course the Sec 1 Camp in 2000. But other than dat not much, and besides I've always had quite a lot of help in the past. So this time round it was realli different, with people I'm not really used to, with charges rather than peers. Very different experience.

But all the 3 days seem worth it, the girls looked like they enjoyed themselves, well most of them did I think, but of course there are the minority, of whom I choose to ignore. And of course, no day in training would be complete without the infamous emotional flare-up, so wat more on 3 days of training? Came from so many peoepl I am also lost for words lar, just try my best to alleviate the situation.

But the last day was realli enjoyable even for myself, as I participated in soem fo the games, that the C3 organised. Like one where I had to put a stocking on my head, freak man, damn embrassing lar, hello it was saturday evening at ECP, the whole world was there. But nemind buckled down to do the task at hand, which was easier than I thought. Then it was the scissor paper stone game, with flour and water, involved, n I must say dat my S-P-S game sux big time, realli no luck. After dat luckily it was off for me, as the teams evened out and I watched them play with rotten fruits and vege, as well as spinning around a cock up newspaper stick.

Overall I would say dat I am satisfied wif the camp and its outcome for this year, considering its in its infant year. But of c0urse it can be better. After this season is over, we have to get a new teacher IC and push for a residential, dat will be solid.

Oh well, other than dat, its back to serious business now, back to hard raw training, with the tournament getting very close, and fixtures are 2 days away, so realli crossing my fingers. Alright, its time to go now, till later.

Out.

posted by Me @ 11:39 AM 0 comments

The gauntlet.

2 hours of non stop movement, sprinting, climbing, sweating, straining, carrying, cheering and believing. But the girls did it, and I'm so so proud of them. It was a realli fun day overall I must say, the girls realli realli trained very hard. Most were limping their way home, and the Tampines group were so damn tired they coul;d not even climed the overhead bridge and jay walked instead.

Anyways gotta keep things short today, cos my bro is on maple-ing his ass away, so quite bad to disturb. Anyways I'm a bit shack also, running around making sure everything is fine and could not catch any break in the middle also. Sigh.

But anyways, this is the latest standings after the gauntlet.

Cruyff - 375 pts
Pele - 345 pts
Charlton - 310 pts
Garrincha - 265 pts

A;right thats all for now! Tomorrow is the last and funnest day.

Out.

posted by Me @ 10:19 PM 0 comments

Just back from day 1 of camp, today has been a realli tiring day, in more ways than one. Lots of the girls were not doing too well, wat with pains and headaches and sprains and all dat, hope the sports psyche course I'm taking soon will teach me more about this, cos I realli think its more mental than anything. She Fong went totally psycho on me too. Sheesh.

Training was fine, I think quite well paced, and I'm glad that most of the girls are showing improvement in their ball control. But to me more than anything else seeing the girls studying and eating dinner together is priceless. And moments ago, had a great surprise when TX msged me and asked me what she should improve on. It realli is a coaches pleasure when these things happen, its just as great as scoring a goal and winning a match.

Had a great talk with the girls during dinner, about certain school stuff which I shan't say here JUST IN CASE. But I'm sad at the situation, not taking any sides, but I realli understood how the girls felt at this issue, cos I felt the same when I first entered VJ, only to a different party, just dat now, the tables have turned, and something which I have always treasured and protected is no longer what it used to be. Sound so cryptic rite? Well lets just leave it at that then.

Tom is gonna be another realli shag day for me, what wif a fully slotted lunch period which will not give me any respite from the camp. Sigh. But realli lar, people sometimes ask me why the heck I'm doing all this, and for nothing? Well its never for nothing.

Sure money is spent getting to and fro school and time is spent teaching stuff on the field. But when Wai Yen said to me today, that she could feel the team unity and that training was fun again, I smiled to myself, knowing that as tired as I feel now, and all the dollars and minutes I have spent wif the team has been worth it.

I think this goes for anything else in life, such as the family I have and the r'ship I share wif Uni, no matter how hard things are, when something even minutely good happens, I think to myself that its all worth it.

To the girls reading this, this is the current standings after tabulation.

After Run

Cruyff - 100
Charlton - 70
Garrincha - 60 + 50 bonus
Pele - 55

Garrincha wins an extra 50 pts for coming in first as a team!

After Small Sided Games (Cumulative)

Garrincha - 120 pts
Cruyff - 110 pts
Pele - 85 pts
Charlton - 80 pts

Its so close! And more points up for grabs tom! Realli a lot lot more.

Tired but fulfilled.

Out.

posted by Me @ 10:38 PM 0 comments

This week has been a very tiring one, and its not even begun yet. I hat the feeling of having to fire-fight all the time. OK for those of you who are not too sure what I meanm, fire-fighting means having to solve small but irritating problems that seem to come one after another, dunno why its called fire-fighting, but well, dats what they call it in the civil service.

Had to solve financial matters, which was resolved brilliantly, police uniform, done, police shooting test, which was done. But now a new problem, my stoopid remote control is spoiled, and for a compulsive channel surfer like me, its realli bad news, and I have to go and get a new one, realli cannot get any peace of mind man seriously.

But anyways was a nice day, ending off with a trip to Christl's house, which is right next to mediacorp, I mean, if anyone thought you were well off and comfortable, just come here and u will feel like a beggar. Haha. But I mean the houses are huge lar, as in I've been to Changi and Tanah Merah, and they are nowhere near as big as the houses here.

The BBQ was nice, and the food was pretty nice, all the brownies and cheesecakes coming from Vivian and Bee Teng and all were all realli nice. The prawns were brilliant also, loved the spiciness. Shux, I forgot to take the beef steak which Salome kept reminding me was damn ex. Crap, somebody bring it to camp ok?

Christl has a projector room in her house, I mean can u imagine playing winning 11 on this kinda thing, we will all go wild lar! Alright next goal after the X box 360 is to get a nice big screen to complement it. Rynette was also back telling me about SA, and from what I heard she's pretty into the team and all so dats good. Are they gonna beat us this year? Hmm.. lets just say dat I can only do so much.

The team is realli bonding well now, realli like a family a bunch sisters who men the world to each other and dats wats impt, I always believe that having unity will ensure everything else falls into place. Cos u will make sure that u run for each other.

Oh well, now I've gotta just worry bout the stupid remote control.

Oh, and tom's our first ever soccer camp! Wish me luck!

Out.

posted by Me @ 6:45 PM 0 comments

For those of you who know me well enough, you would know that I was very badly affected by my grandpa's passing in 2003. Dont wish to go into detail cos it was a terrible memory, but well the r'ship we had was a very close one, especially in my formative years, and losing him to cancer (of which I am convinced is a fucked up terrible disease) was a very bad blow to me. Anyways, 3 years later, I must say I am a lot better, but its mainly cos I do not think so much about it and try to detahc myself from the whole memory.

Anyways, this evening, I took a nap after getting back to tuition and had a completely unbelievable dream, let me tell u all what happened.

We, as in the extended family and all, were at a house in Malaysia, well it looked dat way, and there was my grandpa and grandma as well, as well and some of their friends. Anyways, we were all at the porch, it was a terracve house so we were eating in theporch near the driveway. What happened next was very puzzling, one of the friends went off for a while and came back in a big big black vehicle which looked more like a tank, all i can remember was that it had huge headlights. He drove into the driveway, and failed to stop in time, hit a table, which hit my grandpa, who was caught unawares. My grandpa fell backwards, the back of his neck hit a table behind him and he crumpled to the floor. Damn drama rite? Haha, well, dats wat happens in dreams I guess.

Wat happened next was realli very real. Nobody seemed to move and attend to my grandpa, and I shouted and ran towards him, and he looked like he was knocked out cold. Even though it was a dream,I realli felt genuinely worried and panicked as I attended to him. I remember I was damn worried cos I saw him hit the back of his neck as he went down, and remembered feeling realli scared cos well the back of the neck is a fragile area.

After a while he came to, unharmed. But I remember I stood up and seriously fucked everybody around me, as in berated them for not caring and attending to him earlier, for freezing up when my grandpa needed help. I remember scolding my uncles, and even my mom, as tears streamed down my face cos I was so damn upset with everybody. I remember being realli realli upset. Again for those who know me, I need to be REALLI upset for me to start tearing.

Then I woke up.

Shit man, and I realised my whole face was wet, I was realli crying! It was realli freaky I tell you, and I had a realli uncomfortable feeling wondering what on earth the dream meant, I'm a firm believer that dreams are a reflection of whats going on in your head, in some obscure way. But realli, this is the first time I have ever cried while dreaming, and also the feeling of being upset and disturbed is so real, I cannot seem to dismiss it and just shake it off.

Oh well, but no I'm ok, after doing some work, Im not thinking of the earlier days' events so much. As much as I miss my grandpa I hope I never dream about him again, cos no matter how happy the dream is, I will always feel sad when I wake up.

Cos I will realise he's not there anymore.

Out.

posted by Me @ 12:37 AM 0 comments

Aiyah Jolyn, I gave u a personal one-on-one individual analysis u know? Dats why I thought no need to put again, but well, I should be fair, my apologies. These are who i forgot. Sorry ok!

Jolyn
Played effectively on the right wing, fast and determined. Needs to work on tracking back and winning back the ball.

Dorcas
Gave a decent account of herself, but still lots to learn and lots to improve on. Decent debut.

Yeah dats all for now. Will talk more after I have viewed the tape.

And of cos, one more thing a reminder to all who drop by, pls leave your name when u tag so I know who's around!!!!!!

Out.

posted by Me @ 2:54 PM 0 comments

Well where do I start people?

I am smiling much more today than the past 2 days, and its mainly cos of today's match. It was an alright match I think, we arrived on time, and started soon enough, warm-up was alright. But of cos, what is girls soccer without the drama? Pre-match saw Salome being disallowed from following us cos she had to take a bus. Poor girl burst into tears, and I had to try and pacify her. I’ve never seen Salome cry dat badly before, and the people in the bus looking at her crying outside, man u only see this shit in oscar-nominated movies, such was the emotion running in the match. It was also sort of a testimonial match for Shi Min and Claudia, so indeed there was a great rojak of feelings in the bus.

The match started soon enough, and we went 1-0 up thanx to a good finish by Jing Jing. Brilliant half volley, right to the corner. Second half was quite scrappy but still added a bit more to the lead courtesy of a handball in the box. The last period was where I fielded my so-called best team, with Claudia and Shi Min making their appearances. Added two more goals from a brilliant lob from Jaslyn, and another merciless finish from my Chinese Assassin Jing Jing.

I think somehow our striking problems might be solved. So anyways, went back to play a bit more before calling it a day. Now I need to plan something for them on Friday so that they can relax a bit, I think all of us getting a bit tired over soccer, and need a break. So Alex Smith was ranting and raving about playing hide and seek at East Coast, then there were suggestions of floorball and also basketball. Haha. Anyways, Jolyn asked me for an individual analysis, which I promptly gave, although Viv said, "Just check his blog."

Alright here I go, got 30 girls to go thru, so I will have to keep it short.

Farah
Din even touch the ball! Haha, so cant say anything girl. Sorry….bleargh

Jasmine
Did well in marking out the wing, overall steady and assured.

Grace
Improved by leaps and bounds really. Of all the people, I would say nobody works harder than Miss Chong. Even Miss Tan said Grace improved a lot. She deserves this.

Audrey
This girl is as cool as a cucumber, I mean like, she is definitely calmer than me. Haha. Brilliant.

Jie Min
A few mistakes here and there but she is really fast and tenacious, assured performance.

Christl
One of her best games so far, Christl ran and ran. Great performance, erased a lot of doubts in my mind.

Jaslyn
Superb performance from Miss Leong. And the goal capped it all off. A really dark horse ready to shock the world in this years comp.

Vivian
Does her job as per normal, and a superb assist for Jing Jing. But of cos knowing her, she is always pushing herself to greater heights. Dats Vivian for u.

Jing Jing
2 goals on your debut. Name me the last time this happened. Period.

Eileen
Did well in her time out, needs to keep working on her touches.

Michelle
A bit bur as to where to stand but its alright, she will learn.

Wei Shan
Tried her best to get into the game, but involvement was rather limited.

Deborah
Very useful player, Deborah is slowly but surely getting better.

Wai Yen
She also barely touched the ball, so cant say much.

Shu Yu
Didn’t have the best of games, mainly cos she was nervous and all, but I know she has it in her. I noe it.

Si Hui
Superb lar this girl, the best I have seen her perform.

Alex
As usual, as much of a joker smith is, she never abandons her player, seriously, I would hate to be marked by smith!

Stephanie
Stef's vision is one of the best I have seen in the division. But I hope she can play better, I would say she can def. perform better.

Tan Xuan
Did her best, needs to work on her positioning though.

Shi Ling
A girl with great potential, but very susceptible to mental lapses, which worries me. But I have never doubted that she can finish a ball.

She Fong
Played much better in the last period. Decent performance.

Li Wen
Decent performance given her lack of experience. Li Wen is a humble girl always willing to work hard and I respect dat.

Sara
Sara made some good passes, and despite the short time playing, she played well.

Wara
Wara did not manage to get much into the game, but she has to work on her passes.

Claudia
This girl is a great talent really, and we will miss her on the left side, but its alright, Claudia I hope you are proud of yourself, you are brilliantly brilliant.

Shi Min
My speed demon will be missed, played like a girl possessed, we will miss u.

Charmaine
Did not have much to do, but did well when she was called upon.

Phew did I miss anybody out?

Please tell me if I do, I am quite distracted with Idol playing in the background. Alright will talk more tomorrow.

Out.

posted by Me @ 11:44 PM 0 comments

I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.

Sorry I’m tryin to get things out of my system. Today ranks as my most fucked up day as in VJ Girls Soccer. Claudia and Shi Min didn’t make it to VJ, and I am really really really feeling so down, mainly cos I wished I could have done more about it, I wish I would have had more influence over the decisions. I wish I would have coached better last year, so Mr Tan would give us more respect. I wish I would have forseen this earlier and worked at it as soon as possible. I wish I wish I wish.

Now, my heart is really like squashed, I haven cried in front of the girls before, and I told myself that I wouldn’t, but in the end it still happened, thank god I had the cover of darkness to at least shroud a bit of my tears. I’ve gone thru this process so many times, yet it always hurts, I tell the girls to be strong and re-focus but at the same time I am the one struggling to regain control of this chaotic head of mine.

This is when I hate being a coach, cos you have to try and be emotionally detached, I should be back at my drawing board now, trying to sort things out figure who I need to replace my players. But how can I do dat? I cannot look at my players as commodities, can’t bring myself to. It’s the morning after and I still can’t bring myself to start planning. If I was a player in the past, I could still just allow my emotions to take me over. But as a coach, I know its impt. to make sure that of all the people, I must be strongest and must not crumble under the utmost pressure. Guess I have been doing ok despite all the crap I received so far, but today has been different, today I just have to take a step away.

Sigh, why did it have to come to this? Anywayz, as some of you might know I haven’t written a song for very long, mainly cos I haven had anything I really considered to write on. But today, I finally did, and the title of this song is “The Things That Matter”. Took me close to a year before I finally am inspired to write something.

To Claudia and Shi Min, if u guys ever stumble on this site (girls who view this pls inform them), I just want you to know that you have touched my heart in so many ways and I find it so hard to say goodbye. But its not goodbye, as someone once said, it’s a see u later. I hope I have managed to change your life in some way as you have changed mine. The passion you guys show, the love, and the dedication to this wonderful team will be a story I will tell over and over again to the many batches to come. Love you guys lots, and don’t forget me k?

Out.

posted by Me @ 10:11 AM 0 comments

Today we had the 7-a-side competition and we finished 4th, beaten in the semi-finals by some old fogey team in the game we totally deserved to win. U noe the case of us shooting like 15 million shots on goal and them taking 1, yes 1 shot, which deflected off Fahmi and into goal. Sux. But its good to be in competition and play, enjoy my soccer a bit, the ground didnt help but i think i gave a fair account of myself. My head has a big balookoo after the first match, just managed to make it subside when i reached home. I am pooped lar, but I will be ok, the coming week is an exciting one, so looking forward to it.

I realised that my r'ship with Tan has grown worse and worse as time has passed by, and sometimes I wonder why I even bother taking the brunt of the screwing when I can just avoid it. But I realise that me living now, for wateva amount of time on this earth, must be a time where I can make a difference, and I always tell myself that I will try my best to touch as many people's lives positively as possible. I think that is the measure of one's life lived successfully. I hope one day, the girls will look back and think that hey, Az realli thought me a thing or two about this game called soccer. Even if i can impart one thing on the girls, I think that is a success. right now, beyond Uni, no other thing is more impt than looking after these girls, perhaps, its this desire in me to have alwyas wanted to look after a little sis, which was never fulfilled in my family of cos, which I am living through now, but I must say it is at times rather overwhelming.

The SR game is next week, and I told myself I have to prepare properly for the match, make sure the girls are totally au fait with all the goings on. I hope and pray that all the hard training will come to something, and that we can do well. More imptly, I hope that Claudia and Shi Min can stay, my heart will just break if they cant. No man gets left behind rite?

Well, on dat note, I have made up my mind to just stick it thru, and let Mr Tan screw me as much as he wants, cos I noe that all this will be worth it. 20 years from now, this batch of girls and me will be sitting down having a nice bbq and laughing at ourselves thinking about how mad JC days were.

To all the soccer girls who are reading this, thanx a lot for everything, and for teaching me how to live.

Out.

posted by Me @ 9:33 PM 0 comments

Ok a quick one for tonight.

Soccer

Today training was a quite long, but somehow, I thought it was done with good results, girls posession a bit better, attack vs defence was definitely better, wif the experience of the year twos realli helping. A big big thank you to ah bee and salomee for helping me out with the keepers.

The numbers were also settled today, and everyone more or less got what they wanted so no issue there, i was only frustrated cos of mr tans refusal to move the bloody sprinkler, i had to squeeze 22 girsl on 2/3 pitch. I'm realli thinking that my squad is too big, I will have to cut it down soon lar, cannot handle. Either dat or make clear A and B teams. I think the former will have to do, today is March 4th, so 18 more days till the fixtures are out. It may all seem rosy now, but if the fixtures are not in our favour, all my year twos are out, and I will be left with a thin squad full of potential but very very raw. Such is the reality of it.

Dinner

Went to OOP's house for a makan today, sorry phil the man coudnt call u cos they said it was a planning thing only. What the hell man. But anyways it was nice lar, seeing Jimmy, and See wif his wife, and also Frankie formerly CLP Changi, who is gonna join the team. ALL THE BEST to him man. Needs all the luck, tolerance, insane positivity and strong stomach to last in that hell hole.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow looks promising, will hopefully be accepted to play in the tournament by OVA together wif the rest of the VJO, if not we will still play anyways, still deciding on whether to stay on in VJ for the homecoming thingey, im not realli into all this kinda thing lar, somehow Id rather meet old friends on more personal occasions. See how see how.

Alright then, in anticipation that will be playing tomorrow, its off to bed, ooops sorry the floor.

Out.

posted by Me @ 1:46 AM 0 comments

Well, today I wanna rant a bit on the Channel 5 show "a light affair". Today after reaching home at about 10 plus after tuition, my bro was watchin the show on the TV in my rom, so just tuned in, and I must say it has to rank as a new low for Singapore TV.

Cmon lar, I have never seen such horny or at least pretend-to-be horny girls on TV before. I mean, I understand if girls may wanna say some naughty stuff like personally to their boyfriend, or when they're in toxicated when they're drunk. But i mean on a speed dating show on TV? I mean the girls were all like ..."oh i sleep in almost nothing at all". Eh please lar, dont action so sexy until like dat lar, I mean the girls probably sleep in like some lame aunty big shirt and pe shorts or something like dat, I mean I dunno lar, but i dont really buy into, oh i sleep in nothing kinda shit.

The guys were even worse, I mean when asked how they will apologise, one actually said he would "threaten to commit suicide in the Singapore River (how he is going to do dat, I have no idea, maybe just swim in front of a tug boat?) and another said he will "wear a signboard and walk in Orchard Road". Seriously, I dare those fuckers to do dat man. Freakin desperados. Anyways, the girl dumped them outta the show, so at least it goes to show, that melodramatic behaviour does not pay. U noe what the girl said? She said a simple SMS will do, haha. Not bad, piss her off then just type in an SMS. haha..

Well post-mortem is dat well it does suit the "Uniquely Singapore" tag just in the wrong way. What the hell man, why can't Singapore TV make better shows? I think our sitcoms are not bad, but we realli need to think harder about the reality and drama options.

Anyways today's training was far from the best, I think the girls were damn shaq from the 6k, a long time since they ran long d, cos its been mostly interval work. The attack vs defence was also a bti disjointed, bright sparks here and there, but i think we are getting somewhere, considering the whole team is my junior team, with no seniors drafted in yet. But ok lar.

I was saddened by the news that Claudia did not get into VJ, according to some bogus sources of which I dunnoe the extent of truth behind it, but I've always told myself to prepare for the worst, so well I was realli feeling very down yest, and went to go for a 6km run wif the girls to get it out of my system. But I'm still about a min off my desired pace, so need to whack my fitness some more. But Claudia is such a brilliant individual, honestly I have so much respect for most if not all of the girls in my team, cos they realli humble me. But my heart will break if by wednesday it is confirmed I lost my players. Crossing my fingers.

Hate having this heavy feeling in my heart and at the back of my head.

Out.

posted by Me @ 10:36 AM 0 comments