The Great Escape
Just a random thought for the day.
Hmmmmm, strangely though, I am realli looking forward to it. Well ok lar not strangely but well its just a weird feeling after so long?
Nevertheless, I would rather it be there than nothing at all.
Indeed, its the Great Escape.
Out.
Past week has been a better one, with the gradually very different workload, it was easier to concentrate on stuff. I'm realli glad things have settled themselves out, I realise sometimes my biggest weakness is dat I care too much, and u noe sometimes u just wanna be a person who does not take things too patiently, and remain objective. But oh wells, it has been rather hard, and sometimes it realli makes one seem vulnerable.
But well, its been great, class has been fun, i love the discussion and banter that goes around in between all of us, and besides, talking to Gerard has been super enlightening. With all the young selfish emo ppl around me, its nice to have someone to reason with and also to tell me whats right and wrong. And with the experience he has, at least I know he has walked that path and is able to relate to everything im talking about.
Saturday nites have again proven to be like a bubble, something which takes me away from all the realities and the fast pace of life. Yesterday was quiet yet I would not have it any other way. Im so grateful for it and everything that comes with it, pls dont let it end.
Out.
Note to Self
Two things that I have to remind myself now before its too late:
Don't be InsecureNo matter what people think of me, and those who think less of me, I should have faith in my own abilities and know that I am doing the right thing. It is almost impossible to please everybody, and as much as you wanna be the hero, that doesnt depend on you. You win some, you lose some, Azrul. So don't be so insecure, as long as you know deep in your heart that you're doing the right thing, then its fine. Remember, you have no control over how people think of you, you can try and influence them, but you cannot make their mind up for them.
You are not GodAs much as you wish you had control over things, sometimes, they are just not like that. Learn to accept things as they are, and move on. The more you try and exert your control over something, the worse it will become. Go with the ebb and flow at times, and you will realise that it will benefit you in the long term. If everything was within your control then living would not be living at all. Learn to let go, and learn to live with the inconsistencies and unpredictability of life. Sometimes life might throw you a curve ball, you swing and u miss. But always remember you will learn from it and get better next time.
Sorry, just had to write this down and ensure that I remember it. I came across something today which realli set me thinking, and I dont wanna think about it anymore.
The truth hurts.
Unconditionally, Az, you promised them.Out.
These Small Hours
After the long long week where I barely slept at all, Im proud to say that I am finally done with it and can afford to take a breather. Phew. I hope I did ok, but I am just happy that I am finished, at least can take a one week break of just normal school before its another rush into the 1st of Feb.
I really felt like giving up especially on Friday, with the mid-placement review and all. But thank God it went smoothly although my journaling wasnt realli very comprehensive. However the session I had with Emily made me feel a lot clearer about things and I was encouraged I was on the right track. Also, dat day saw me having a big bust up with TYH, and I was realli upset by the whole conundrum. But told myself to just be righteous about the whole situation, I realli hope things will be sussed out for everyone's benefit.
But yest was a great end to the hectic week, so thank you, i realli had a great time and well at times I realli ask myself why I cannot be like any normal 23 year old, but then I guess I dont realli mind, and in fact im enjoying my "difference" from the normal crowd. But yes, I had a nice time, ended it off with Man U winning, so it was all good. I hope to do it soon again, and it realli reminded me again that the simplest things are the best things to do. I went to sleep knowing I had had a good day, and suddenly, the toil of the previous few days just faded into the distance.
Other than dat I believe this week will be a rather nervous one with the Sec 4s getting back their results, so shall hope for the best. And with so many juniors, its kinda inevitable that some will leave us. But I guess im more prepared this year, for something inevitable.
I hope to get some extra sleep as well, going to watch the last few episodes of heroes season 1 later.
let it go, let it roll right off your shoulderdon’t you know the hardest part is overlet it in, let your clarity define youin the end we will only just remember how it feelsour lives are madein these small hoursthese little wonders, these twists & turns of fatetime falls away, in these small hours, these small hours still remainlet it slide, let your troubles fall behind youlet it shine until you feel it all around youand i don’t mind if it’s me you need to turn towe’ll get by, it’s the heart that really matters in the endour lives are made in these small hoursthese little wonders, these twists & turns of fatetime falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remainall of my regret will wash away some howbut i can not forget the way i feel right nowin these small hours these little wondersthese twists & turns of fatethese twists & turns of fatetime falls away but these small hourswith these small hours, still remain, they still remainthese little wonders these twists & turns of fatetime falls away but these small hoursthese little wonders still remainSomething that will remind me of yest.
Out.
Had Just About Enough
Seriously, I am realli thinking whether I have enough energy for this. Somteims I realli think dat Im not made to do this, and the whole night (or at least most of it after 8) has been spent thinking about whether all this shizz is realli worth it. Do I realli need this?
I dont know I realli dont.
I havent been this angry or frustrated for a while. And somehow whats even more worrying is i havent felt this mentally tired in a long long while. I am just realli hanging on. I cannot believe this has to happen tonight, and I am so mentally drained but I have so much school work to do. Its ridiculous realli.
Its getting realli to a point where I dont see what I am getting out of this whole thing except for heartache.
Things have to stop, and Id rather they stop NOW.
Fuck it, seriously, go ahead call me emotional, suddenly I've realli stopped giving a damn.
Out.
4 days of madness
This coming four days are gonna be a mad rush.
Sunday (today) - back to back to back tuition from 1pm - 9pm + assessment one practicum reflection (3000 words)
Monday - tuition plus project meet up plus training
Tuesday - tuition plus school plus submission date plus preparation of slides (6 presentations) and personal reflections
Wednesday - training plus school plus assessment two performance psych (2000 words)
Thursday - submission date plus back to back tuition plus mid-placement review at school
Somehow it all seems to busy, and though I feel a little tired, somehow I think all of this is worth it in the long term. Hope I can keep the energy levels up as well. But first, triple session tuition in half an hours time.
On another note, yesterday morning was a good day, then came the afternoon and certain news realli put me off, and it also put ben and mini off. Ben is a brilliant guy and for something to put him off it needs to be quite bad, so I was quite surprised when he said he was mulling over it yesterday night as well.
But well I guess things got better in the evening, playing soccer at the turf and basically just chilling with great company and yet doing something constructive as well. Later at night, told mini about when my last year would be in VJSG, and he said that his last year would only come if it were my last year. Shux man, I was realli quite flattered by it, more so because I know he realli meant it.
There are really some people who take the heart out of you, but you must have faith that there are some who will put it right back where it belongs.Onward to the next four days, bring it on.
Out.
Missing December
I think this December really did me good, although I can safely say my money outflow has been bad and I am down a few k after paying school fees and all, I felt that it was a good break this December, doing the stuff I really wanted to do. NOw its back to the mad rush, school work is beginning to really pile up more than ever, and when you put in the facilitating at SHRI, tuition and soccer coaching, i really have no idea when I will have time to really sit down and even remotely do something close to what I was doing in December.
Nevertheless, its easier to sleep when you're realli tired, and I guess its good I get to meet so many different people everyday, its realli cool. I cant believe time flies so fast I am already in the final year. It feels good, yet stressful cos I really wanna maintain and if possible even further improve on my results. But well, I think I will just settle for maintaining it lar.
Petrol is mad, so mad, I cannot believe that it will be going up again. Sometimes I wonder if getting a car was such a good idea, but after sitting through todays jam, I realised Id rather be in a car in a jam than be standing in a bus. So yeah, I guess some form of comfort zone has developed in the process.
But overall, in spite of the business of things and the rush, its good to just have a nice chat, to joke and all, to dream and hopefully someday execute about things to do, with the people you care for. It realli is and Im happy for dat.
AS for the money issue, I think I realli need to tighten up the wallet (even more so, dunno how), but yeah think need to pack food or something, hopefully with tuition fees it will go someway to making things up. Tomorrow is a new day, and another opportunity to make a difference.
Out.
Questions
2 things struck my mind today which I will just leave open interpretation.
1) Was it the right thing to do and why can't I seem to put a finger on it? Its just so complicated and i'm realli pissed off that I cannot find solace about the issue anywhere. Most of the time I think it was right, but sometimes, just sometimes I feel it may have been stupid of me.
2) Why is it so hard to get through to you? To tango it takes two, but its proving a little hard at times and its frustrating to say the least. Nevertheless I must rem to be unconditional, as idealistic and far-fetched as that sounds.
Just a short one, thing I'm thinking about now. Thing is, they will prob go away., but while they're still around its a little bothersome.
As someone always reminds me,
Life Goes On.
15 more.
Out.
