SACRIFICEToday I spoke to Uni, and told her how 2 years ago, at this time that year, I was feeling exceptionally sad because I was a few days from going to NS. I also told her how having her meant the mostest, cos, it kept me going, it made me look forward to all those walkouts, all those weekends, when living actually meant something, instead of the time wasting that I had back at TRACOM.
"I got you thru 2 years of NS", said Uni.
And I smiled, knowing in my heart that no sentence in a long time could ring any truer.
I just finished watching the contender, and it was really great, sat thru 2 hours of it, from 2am to 4am, but was worth every minute. It was really great to watch, and I learnt quite a bit of sacrifice. One of the boxers, his face scarred after his win, spoke of how everything was a sacrifice for his family, and those bruises were his sacrfice for them. It really made me realise that i too, must sacrifice for those I found important enough in my life, my family, closest friends and uni.
Having done the biz for two months now, I really learnt what sacrifice is, all thsoe late nights running around, and all thsoe late nights to come, sometimes I'm realli tired, but I always tell myself dat this is gonna be worth it. Nothing will be more satisfying than my family, friends and uni knowing they've spent a good part of their life with a guy who has achieved true success.
So far in life, success has been sweet, well at times, buti realised thru success is not one which makes u feeel at the top of the world, but instead true success is being at the top of the world, and bringing the people u love along wif you.
Uni, thanx for being there for me, nobody will ever ever come close. Honest.
Out.
First Day Back
Its been 3 weeks since my last workday and I'm finally back, feels kinda funny, but somehow i managed to wake up early, a full hour and ten minutes before leaving and didnt have to rush to work. Work is still basically the same boring routine, Syafiq, my replacement though, did leave the table in a mess, and had to clean up for a while before i finally sat down for work, so far everything has been ok, anyways the good thing about having your COS (certificate of service) submitted means dat you can actually take things a bit easy, well very easy in fact. Today went for a damn long lunch with Phil and Bert and we talked about Russell Peters, cant wait to show them the video when i next bring my laptop.
Went to go makan at Macs, me bert and phil, the unholy trinity, at Macs, i tell you these are the times i will miss the most, cos three of us talk the most shit, without having to hold back, and i think these afternoons will be what I will miss most about life in division.
Friends
Today had an interesting conversation with Bert about how sometimes u see someone as your best friend, and do all the things that a best friend should do for him/her. But in the end the guy may not see you in the same light. Sounds familiar? Well I guess it happens to all of us.
But as a wise man once said, you must first give before you receive.
Out.
I just finished my letter to Coach for maju, freakin 3 pages, but well at least I was being truthful lar, sigh, another boring day, nowadays I waste half the day and am busy only at night, getting home bout 11-12 midnight after meetings and stuff.
A New Pope!Unsurprsingly, Cardinal Josef Ratzinger, now known as Pope Benedict XVI, was elected pope, after bout 2 days, I was jst flipping channels late at night, when I saw the headline "New Pope Elected" on CNN. Interesting, I decided to tune in. What a spectacle! It was incredible I tell you, watchin people run in from all corners into St. Peter's Square gazing at the solitary balcony in the distance. There were like tens of thousands of people, singing waving flags, clapping cheering, what a spectacle! Me and my brother watched intently, as the camera focused on the balcony, and after what seemed like forever, Cardinal Jorge Arturo Medina Esteves emerged from behind the curtains to announce the election of the new pope.
Incredible, seeing so many ppl united in religion and prayer, I cant wait till its my turn to hopefuly make my pilgrimage to the holy land, I heard that the mosque compound can fit 1 million people! Hoepfully i can be part of it soon.
Anyways hope this Pope will continue the inter faith dialog with Muslims, though in my opinion it might not make much of a difference, since relations are not say strained or anything, I think the only people that need to dialog wif us and the only ones we need to dialog wif are the Jews.
Problem with sleepingLately after coming back from work, I still manage to stay up till 2, on the net and stuff, and when I wake up its usually about 10 plus to 1. Kinda worrying cos I dont think its very healthy. I gotta start waking up earlier cos gotta finish up my last 20 days of work. Haha, sounds incredible, but it actually is true, goodbye to police life, at least regular police life, ts not tiring physically, but it can take an enormous toll on one's mind.
The Casino IssueLast week before the Casino announcement was resolved, it was said that Malays can take advantage of the opening of the Casino by working in other place which are not associated with the Casino. Already the problem of gambling is so rampant amongst malay muslims, if you dont know, just go to your nearest turf club, and here comes, supposedly the voice of the malay-muslim community, saying Malay-muslims can work "if they dont mind" thing is, I believe that anything in support of gambling is already outlawed by Islam, hence whats the point? Even if you arent operating the blackjack table or the roulette, the security guard there is protecting people who are gambling right? the guy selling drinks is quenching the thirst of the gamblers right? Sigh, maybe im being too hard on this. 20 000 jobs to be created but how much to malays? no reason to be happy to me. But knowing my people, we will just lap it all up, happy for nothing. Typical.
Out.
Lately I've observed things in people which I thought would not be there, then again, I leanr that what you see at one point in time in somebody, isn't exactly what he is, a sickness i call...
Fickle-MindednessI must admit that I have also been fickle-minded at times, but when I see it in other people, which affetc me directly, i realise what a shit-ass no good thing it is. Thats why nowadays, I try to be more definite, not backing out of stuff, if i don't wanna go or do, then I won't go or do. But recently, I was the victim of a FEW instances of fickle-mindedness. But i guess everybody has their reasons, everybody has their right to change their mind.... But its so god-damn inconsiderate and irritating at times, though im cool wif it now. Live and let live.
Just that when you think something is gonna happen and then it doesnt and goes the other way, its quite hurtful, but well this is part of life and gotta live wif it.
So to all out there, before you think about something,to do something, or even say something, always think of the repercussions of it, always think of who might be affected by it. If you get in the driver's seat, put the pedal to the metal and
drive. If not don't drive at all. Nonetheless, I've learnt a lot of the experiences I had.
P.S. Not directed to anybody specific, just me thinkin bout stuff, I'm as guilty of being fickle-minded as anybody out there.
UniYest, Uni blew her top at me for hat must be the first time in 2 years. Ouch, well as a guy got ego also mah, skali kena whack also a bit stunned. But it was my fault to say the least.
Hmm, cant say much about it, the incident was quick but it was painful for a few milliseconds. Now things are back to normal.
Out.
A shout out to Priya, who turned 21 today.
Now thats a HAPPY birthday.
Take care man.
Out.
On a much brighter note, my dear uni is done wif her exams!!
U deserve a good break dear!
With me!
Out.
Blogspot has been giving me tons of problems since a few days ago, so much so even pissed off Cecil, who now wants to blog on friendster. I think friendster is doing realli well, and the additional features are making it a one stop for almost everything....
When Things Don't MatchToday i was speaking to Bow after the Wednesday meeting and I remember telling him that at the end of the day, both of us were gonna leave SMU with economics degrees, and so will another 200 plus people, this is of cos discounting the many, many other students who will leave NUS with economics degrees too...
So what sets us apart? I asked him....The answer I said, was our character, something of which I was trying to help him build up. So far my experience in NS has been enligthening to a certain sense, I see people like SC CPL Benjamin, who has ORDd and whose work ethic is without a doubt second to none. And he prob has an ITE or O Level Cert. Then again, i see other people whose paper qualifications are much better but whose character is worse, haha the senior officers of cos being ONE of the most obvious examples....hahaha.
But the sad thing is of cos, thatpeople wif character are often not spotted and instead the people with qualifications are the one getting the high jobs, high pay. So far, the people whose paper qualifications match their character has been far and few....hmmm.....let me think now..... so far no apparent answers.
But thats the sad sad way of the world isnt it? Oh well, I wish I could find a way around it, but the reality is that we have to go thru it. I think people in SIngapore have a very skewed view of reality. To many in Singapore, i believe reality is an excuse, an excuse not to try, no to have courage, not to face challenges, and of cos the excuse to just slack and remain where they are. Think about it, no one dares to do what they wanna do, everybody just tries to force themselves into the "Singaporean Template" and in the end who are the ones who complain?
The very same people. Yes Singaporeans we are all hypocrites, complaining everyday about everything, yet not having the slightest courage to change a thing. We think we are such an advanced nation, i think all we have created is a tiny hell hole one corner of the world full of unfeeling, cowards, who think they are great.
Some kinda country.
Oh well, lest i be arrested by ISD, let me stop here, these are just my comments, so feel free to rebut.
Next time somebody tells you,
"Be realistic..."
Read btw the lines and think for yourself people.
Do something about things, if not suffer in silence man.
Lately there have been so many people who have gained my respect, yet some who have lost mine completely.
Out.
Ok now i really have to get 3 specific problems of my chest, so world please hear me.
Father
I reali dunno what the hell is my dad's problem, I havent spoken to him in days, forever pulling a grumpy face, thinking the whole world is against him. What the??? I mean seriously, today i was talking to my grandma, and she mentioned how he never gave rides unlike my late grandad who will always take the trouble to send people. Dats the reason why i feel so cock taking rides from other people, cos keep assumin other people are like my dad.
Today, i asked him if he would pass any postbox on the way to work. And he said no. Can u imagine from tampines to thomson, no postbox? seriously there was one just abut 100 m down the road just dat he would have to u turn back to get on course which comes up to an extra 200m, but he din help. Thanx.
And he's always bad towards uni, i mean shes our guest and he can still put on a fucked up face.
Seriously ah, sometimes im glad my mom wears the pants. I hope god doesnt strike me down for this, but seriously lar...
PartnerLately i havent had the best of times with Uni, i must admit im def 110% to blame for dat. Im doing so many things wrong, but somehow i just insist on doing it. Dunno why, ok lar maybe i do but why i cant stop myself is a cock question dat i have failed to answer thus far. But ikm sick and tired wif making so many mistakes in this r'ship cos i want it to work out no matter what. Uni also has a tendency not to say whats wrong so i have to figure and deal wif it. Sigh.
FriendsI've learnt a lot, i've grown frustrated and hell i feel quite crappy at times. "Friends" are driving me mad, sometimes i wonder why i bother to have so many, if i could survive with just one person as a friend, i wouldnt mind. Sigh. DOnt wanna say too much in case i rub some jabronis the wrong way.
Am trying so so hard, maybe too hard at times.
Out.
2 posts.
Both got routed to a cock up error page.
Even while saving as draft.
Fuck u blogspot.
The Passing Of A Man
The story goes, from the Pope's closest aide that moments before he died the last thing he did was look up to the window of the his apartment, into the night sky, made the sign of the cross, as if blessing his people one last time, and said "Amen", as if in realisation that his work on Earth was done, and then took his last breathe.
What a moving moment, just imagining is amazing, its almost such a perfect moment, that one cannot help but feel that he were watching a movie.
Even though I'm not a catholic, or Christian for that matter, i was quite saddened by the Pope's passing, and my heart goes out to his faithful. As i was watching the reports on CNN yesterdae nite, it really dawned on me how hard he tried to cure this world, which is so full of hatred, poisoned by the desires of men. I think when you see a man and how hard he tried to make this world a better place for all, it doesnt matter of what race, creed or religion he is, cos he deserves everyone's respect.
In the days of his passing, it dawned upon me that he Muslim world needed somebody like him, somebody to lead us and show us Allah's way. We are so full of folly all of us. Suicide bombers, terorists, and closer to home drug addicts, rioters, prostitutes.....all born muslims but....sigh.
It really led me to think that I have to do something about it myself, well I'm not the holiest of guys, but id rather act upon something instead of just preaching about it. The past few days has really opened my eyes to the fact that the Muslim world is slipping deeper and deeper into trouble, we need a saviour.
And we have one in Allah.
If you're a muslim or anybody else for that matter reading this, go back to your roots, go back to your books, and stay true to yourself, no matter how shitty things get, dont stray off the path.
In the meantime, the world mourns.
RESPECT.
Pushing for a Goal
One thing I've learnt in the past tow months is dat setting goals is really impt. But wats more important is acting upon it. Lotsa people wanna be this, or be that, wanna do x in y amount of tinme, but the difference is whether they act on it. Most do at least start, but plenty get discouraged soon enough. I guess persistenec is really the key if you wanna achieve something, and I must say taht I'm a rather determined person, but somehow, in the past when it came to other things, like studies, I just din realise the importance of it till too late. Oh well, now I have to live with it.
I think the only situation where persistence may not work is with girls. It'll prob make things worse cos u may come across as being desperate. Such complicated beings girls are, don't even get me started.
My Mom, My Hero
One of the things that I've learnt in the month of March is how much fo a hero my mom is, shes stood for me when it mattered most, and I appreciate it. And her support for me throughout the past two months has been nothing short of remarkable, especially when i regarded her initially as being a skeptic. Perhaps she saw wat only a mom can see, that is, my true intentions in working hard.
Yes, I wanna put myself through university.
But more importantly, I want to put my brothers into even better ones, and I want my mom and dad to have one less burden ASAP.
I also realised that my dad forms part of the increasing group of people whom i begin to see more and more off everyday, people who talk the talk, but dont walk the walk. People who say they can do it, but will not do it. People who wanna reach the top of the monutain but dont even bother to set foot on its base. I guess at times I was like these people, and still am, but least i think I'm doing something about it.
Sometimes, I feel that my dad has so much more to offer in his life, but he just din wanna act on it, and doesnt want to now. Sigh.
But i wanna let him live his dreams, just gotta live my own first and prove to him that it CAN be done.
Out.
