I feel very disappointed in myself because I cannot get the best out of you, we've known each other for so long, yet I cannot do it, and I don't know why, and I guess that's just something I need to accept and live with, just that I am so disappointed, and its not a nice feeling to have. I remember Mr Tan, and how he changed me from being a complete ass of a player, to the captain of a championship winning team, he got the best out of me, and he changed the way I played soccer. Well he didn't change it completely, but he allowed me to use my strengths, and added more dimensions to my play, so that I became a better player.
Sometimes I seriously doubt myself, as to how I can bring the best out of you.
It really hurts when I can't, and I dunno how much harder I can try.
Out.
Looking for a light
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I was thinking for much of today, what Superman's real superpower was. Was it his speed? Was it his strength? I think that wat makes him superman, is that even though he was saving the world, he never once asked to be saved himself.
With every passing day, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, having to bear so much, and unwilling to let it drop off my shoulders, cos I know that nobody else should deserve to carry it but me. I have all the energy to do so much, yet I cant seem to get the fortitude to type it all down, cos its just so tiring for me.
I know some of you are reading this, and I hope you understand where I am coming from. I am not hoping for pity nor affirmation or any shit like dat, im just saying wats on my mind. So buzz off.
I ask myself, how the hell do you try and stay positive when all you wanna do is tell everybody to fuck off?
Out.
With every passing day, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, having to bear so much, and unwilling to let it drop off my shoulders, cos I know that nobody else should deserve to carry it but me. I have all the energy to do so much, yet I cant seem to get the fortitude to type it all down, cos its just so tiring for me.
I know some of you are reading this, and I hope you understand where I am coming from. I am not hoping for pity nor affirmation or any shit like dat, im just saying wats on my mind. So buzz off.
I ask myself, how the hell do you try and stay positive when all you wanna do is tell everybody to fuck off?
Out.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Well, what can i say, at least i tried. And as I always say, failure is part of life rite? But never fail because of the lack of effort. And well i dont think this time round i lacked the effort.
Indeed,
to tango,
it takes two.
FUCK.
Indeed,
to tango,
it takes two.
FUCK.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Trying hard to sleep but its so painful, I'm sorry if i have to sound pitiful here, but there is realli no other place.
No one to talk to, no one to turn to, it sux sometimes, but that's my life in a nutshell realli. I guess I am used to it, just sometimes its a little unbearable and all.
I realli have no energy to even type it down, its all a mess.
seriously, fuck.
FUCK.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Things really came to a head yesterday, as I was driving home, I kept toying with some stupid thoughts in my head that haven't surfaced for hmmmm the past 5 years I would say. Guess that I'm just realli tired of so many things, and more than anything else I am severely disappointed.
Thankfully I had a shoulder to lean on, and it realli made it clear to me as to what was realli important. Sometimes it can be hard and lonely, and having Beng last year was a Godsend cos he realli helped me thru things. Unfortunately this year is not the same, but I believe to a certain extent, in terms of my support system its def better.
Well, important thing is dat I'm up now, and even though I still don't feel 100 percent, I still think this is something I must finish, even if it saps me to my bone, I need to finish it.
Out.
Thankfully I had a shoulder to lean on, and it realli made it clear to me as to what was realli important. Sometimes it can be hard and lonely, and having Beng last year was a Godsend cos he realli helped me thru things. Unfortunately this year is not the same, but I believe to a certain extent, in terms of my support system its def better.
Well, important thing is dat I'm up now, and even though I still don't feel 100 percent, I still think this is something I must finish, even if it saps me to my bone, I need to finish it.
Out.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Sometimes your one dream, when it comes true, turns out to be the biggest nightmare. At least that's what I feel now, I have no idea how else to say it. I was trying so hard to hold it all together, because I knew I had to get things across, and get things done. But in the end, I could not hold it any longer, and tonight must have been the first time I was left crying, alone in my car, letting it all go.
I am so tired, and so worn out, so discouraged, so demoralised, so disappointed in myself. Its getting so hard, I'm just waiting for the next blow to come.
I really hope to get uplifted soon. So sorry for this post and the one before, but I need to say it, cos its hard to try to be strong when in fact you're probably the weakest one around.
Out.
I am so tired, and so worn out, so discouraged, so demoralised, so disappointed in myself. Its getting so hard, I'm just waiting for the next blow to come.
I really hope to get uplifted soon. So sorry for this post and the one before, but I need to say it, cos its hard to try to be strong when in fact you're probably the weakest one around.
Out.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
I think I was just so tired of saying the same things, and its really frustrating, when you keep telling and telling and nothing gets through. Its frustrating and more importantly its extremely sapping, and then going to work and then coming home and getting shouted at. Things couldnt be more wrong. Then comes the SMS to remind me to finish something up, it was just so wrong-timing.
I am tired. Really.
I have run out of words.
Out.
I am tired. Really.
I have run out of words.
Out.
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