Random ramblings
The past few days have been spent trying to persuade Mr Tan to chnage his mind on certain things. Some efforts paid off while some efforts didnt, sometimes I dont even know why I even bother when its obvious I am stepping out of line at times.
The other day I was thinking to myself if I should continue, since I was not able to run things as much as I wanted to, but then I realised that going elsewhere would not realli be any different BECAUSE there will always be someone else out there who will have greater control over you, so you gotta learn to run things with them and at the same time try and exert your own influence as much as you can. With the new P coming in and all, I'm realli unsure as to the future direction and involvement of myself in VJ. Part of me is hesitant, but mostly I'm happy that at least I can try my best to see how far I can take the CCA and the sport. We shall see I guess.
Training has been super disrupted because of the PW, indieventure week, everything lar, I realli absolutely hate it when I see so little people for training, and when ppl leave early and arrive late, it has always been a pet peeve of mine, which I think can realli disrupt the training program. But I know at the same time that its not realli in the players' hands (well at least most of the time) whether they have to leave training or not. So on that part despite all the freakin headaches I get when I deal with each of them, I noe collectively,
I cannot get a more disciplined and committed bunch of people. So for dat im grateful.
The only thing is, sometimes I just feel that with such a long road ahead, I may be the only one willing to walk it till the end.
Hopefully its not so.
Out.
Death of A Pillow
Today was a very sad day for me. Funny in a tragic way.
For the past 12 years, many thinga have changed in my room, the cupboards, the curtains, the books, the carpets, even the room itself. But one things has not and it was my dear pillow, which I called El-Amein, haha dont ask me why find out the meaning of it yourself, but no its not anything sissy or gay or wateva.
El-Amien was my trusty companion even though I have shifted 3 times in those ten years, and one night awy from Hari Raya the worse thing happened.
The mosquitoes in my room recently have come back with renewed force and attackig with more vigour, must be in a Hari Raya mood as well, but anyways I deceided enough was enough, and I went to go the mosquito coils at 1130 cos I was sick of the mosquitoes. I put the lighted coil near my feet where I knew the mosquitoes often were, and watchd TV, played on my xbox, u know the normal stuff.
Soon of course it was time to sleep and I took El-Amien and put him near my feet. Funny cos I usualy put him near my head but as fate would have it, I put em near my feet yesterdae night, and went to sleep.
I was awoken at 5am, and it was time to eat my morning breakfast. Something was swrong when I woke up, and the aire seemed really smoky, though it was the haze, only when I pulled a deep breath then I realised that soemthign was burning in the room, and I was hoping beyond hope that it wouldnt be el-amien, I mean at this time it was dark and I was darn sleepy, so didnt know much. Then I looked at my dear pillow, and thre were parts of it gloewing brightly, obviously burnt. at this point, I though maybe it was just the pillow cover.
But upon closer inspection a significant part of el-amien was charred, about 1/3 gone and dead and I sighed, cos it was a lost cause. dont get me wrong, Im not a weirdo or anything who cant part with a pillow, but its not realli about the pillow, but just something which has seen you through the years. U noe dats why ppl are reluctant to get risd of old things, its cos of the memories they hold, and not realli cos of what they are by themselves. Isnt that why we keep our trophies, they remind you of hwat you achived, a trophy itself without the memories to go with it is worthless, dats why nobody ever goes around buying trophies, they go out there and earn the. Oh well, Uni, I know you're secretly smiling, but I know you are sad too for me. haha.
The funny thing was of how I slept with the pillow between my leges even as it was slowly burning. Crap man, I have got to do something about this heavy sleeping. My mom was laughing her ass off at me. Actually its quite funny when I think of it, judging by the rxn of the girls when they heard it, i think they will be rolling on the floor if they actually saw it live.
10 years man, and that was when I realised it existed, for all i know it could have actually been around longer than dat. well least 10 years as el-amein.
Now that I dont have it, seems funny to sleep with two soft pillows. But ok lar, life goes on, at the end of the day its still JUST a pillow. The memories will always be in my head.
10 years.3 houses.4 schools.Dat is El-amein.Out.
I am almost absolutely burnt out from my coaching stint seriously, and the thing is the overwhelming stress has got nothing to do with results on the field, performances, training or wateva soccer associated stuff but rather with the resutls of the promos.
Im realli gutted with certain results, which I am still unable to stomach.
Somtimes you just wanna scream, and ask why the effort was not put in despite the one and a half month break and the two-a-weeks. In america, the teams do two-a-days, here we were doing two-a-weeks.
But i think again and i realise that its my responsibility hence its realli my failing dat the results are like dat. I WAS suppose to be the coach,the big brother to take care and look after the girls, but even that I haven realli done very well, n because of dat I realli feel like a real failure now.
Seriously, and thinking about it, thinking about wat I could have done, realli makes me feel damn frustrated wif myself.
Dont get me wrong I am not looking for any pity or any "its not your fault" messages here. But I realli need to reevaluate how I do stuff, since evidently things are not going right.
My head is throbbing and for the first time in close to a year, i physically dont feel well, kinda feel blated, like wanna puke, not realli sure what.
I m gonna lie down and take a good nights rest. Realli need it. GOD pls pls bring me good news tomorrow.
Out.
Again
Finally im back after a long long one and half month break, found time to blog, school work has been tough, mainly cos of my last minuteness, and open house was today also, i realli died in the heat lar, with fasting month and all, but the response was good, i realised dat there are so many girls who enjoy playing soccer! Its realli a sahame dat the ministry does not support it, bunch of jabronis, but Ive got a good idea of wat to do for the coming year to further propogate the game.
Im having a good chat now with Jo about life and the sport, friendships, hahaha wheneva we speak it does cover the widest of topics, but its always nice lar.
The girls were awesome today, Jing was bringing ppl in by the 5s and 6s, vivian was working her ass off even though she had a game late, all of us were working har, prob i was the only one slacking cos by 11 my tank was absolutely empty. Thanx to JR and mini also for coming.
Oh well, I haven been sleeping well these past few days, but im excited cos tom will be getting my new souped up xbox 360 in the house! bought six new titles also, hahahaha so im gonna use it to put myself to sleep, seriously after looking at the graphics you will surely wanna sleep wan.
Ok lar dats all for now, here we go again, the journey begins again.
Out.
