Looking for a light

If I could turn...Turn back the hands of time..

Lau Pa Sat

Hmm...it was a good evening yesterday, I managed to met up with the people in my class, namely the guys, Justin, Dong and Hakim and the girls...Shuli, Pri, Jun, Krystal, Dodo and of cos Mel. haha the ten of us had a super great time eating sea-food at lau pa sat. However as usual the girls were full of crap! Right after finishing up our dessert, Jun suddenly felt like eating Sambal Kang Kong...can u imagine! haha...i guess some things just don't change. So right after our ice kacangs, mango puddings and what have Us...we dug into some cockles, which was delicious and one of my favourite sea-food, so yah actually it wasnt such a bad thing after all. after that we headed to China Square to find a place to chill, it was completely deserted, even the Macs was closed! Then we walked to Far East Square, and again nothing...of cos by this time I was verbally assaulting Justin cos it was his great idea to bring us there....right...Anyways by the time it was ten we finally reached boat quay and we then settled for some coffee/chocolate/cheesecake. I didnt eat anything myself, knowing I had prob over eaten at Lau Pa Sat. Justin suddenly asked me "what the fuck my problem was" cos I had been hounding him for leading us to nowhere and in the end we had to walk for close to an hour, which wasn't good for me personally cos of my knee. Anyways all well that end well and we had a nice time at Coffee Bean before we all headed home at about ten plus.

The Ex Factor

Seeing Jun again after so long was a rather strange feeling. Of cos whatever we had had dissipated(i assumed) and we had settled any outstanding issues anyways. She looked good yesterday, wearing a denim skirt and all, haha typical Jun lar. I always thought she was pretty and yest wasnt any different. It took a while for me to warm up but eventually did. In the end our night was just littered with the occasional conversation and fleeting glances at each other...haha. Oh well, I was, surprisingly looking at her quite a bit last night...hmmm...why? Well she looked quite hot but then again...hmmm its hard to put it into words...but oh well its just prob some left over, or remnants of what we had in the past i guess...if theres such thing. I did honestly love her(quite a bit) so I guess sometimes emotions like these, esp when it was your first time does leave some deep impressiions in your heart, which no doubt i will feel again if I see her again.

Being Held Hostage

Now to something more pertinent and negative. Honestly I'm sick and tired of this wrangle between ESPN StarSports and StarHub. Its realli senseless to keep it ahnging for so long. I mean what the heck? Just tell us consumers...yes or no. Is the deal on or off?? As consumers and the very people making sure the companies involved survive, we have evry right to know!! We are the ones putting food on their tables! Im realli sick and tired off it lar. I guess I speakw for all when I say that all we need is some closure to the matter. At least our hearts will be more at ease. At least we wont take our time to reach home opnli to see that you have missed the first half(just like last sat)....or worse still we dont have to rush home only to be greeted by some stupid pool/golf/x-games on the screen. Oh well today I will be rushing home after Gym in the hope that the Man U versus Everton match will be on. Sigh...

Enough for the day, its another new week, new challenges. More importantly im getting close to my $1K pay day.

Out.

posted by Me @ 12:27 PM 0 comments

Karma Chameleon

Singapore Idol

Yesterdae was the first round of Singapore Idol's Top 30. One word.
Disappointing.
Honestly, I just realised yesterdae the reason why we cannot produce any world-class entertainers, unless they:
1) Don't use their voice (Vanessa Mae)
2) Don't show their face (Banana Man)

Oh well, most of the contestants were rather mediocre, their voices were all just slightly above average, but not outstanding enough. Namely, ppl like Calvin, Andy, Imelda, Benjamin and Dwayne.
Then of cos there was one contestant whom i thought didn't even deserve to be there....yes u guessed it... David De Cruz. Personally, Karma Chameleon is one of my fave Culture Club Songs, but he completely destroyed it. And what's up with that jiggle with the hands and shoulders??? I think the only thing worse than that was Dick Lee saying "You can dance!!". Yah Im sure he can, Dick. And of cos this guy had to go on and act cute, asking Gurmit "was it realli dat bad??!!" Yes it was, Jabroni. It was an ugly sight indeed. Thank god he didn't make it. And to all the girls in Singapore, thank you, thank you for not calling or SMSing in. Well it does prove one thing though:
Good looks can only get you so far.

The three who got in, Jessea, Olinda and David deserved to get thru lar. I like David, he seems pretty humble and his voice is nice to listen to, though I think he pales in terms of personality to Olinda and Jessea. Olinda is cool, although Ive been getting negative sentiments from the people around me, I like her voice lar, though still not sure about her flexibility in performing songs. Jessea is one who can realli make it in the business, nice looking and a powerful voice...good moves too. Only well, i thought she looked a bit like a transvestite yesterdae. Oops...but props to her for taking the risk and letting it all hang out.

Oh well todae should be heading to Colin's place for a PS2 session just hope baba and mama won't mind (yeah right). This sunday will be having a 01A55 gathering too so looking forward to it. Oh sigh, thinking bout where to go for university is realli damn confusing....the more i hink about it the more confusing it seems. think I'll lay off it for a while lar....bleargh...

But SMU is a nice place, made nicer by Uni and Cecil being there....

Out.

posted by Me @ 11:55 AM 0 comments

There was a man.....

Waking up and Smelling the Coffee

Yesterdae I woke up in the evening and my parents were staring at the TV and were telling me that my friend in secondary in school was on TV. He had been awarded an SAF scholarship and was being featured on the Malay news. Wow....I saw it coming but somehow the idea struck me as if I tiotally didn;t see it coming. It seemed like yesterdae that both of us were talking shit in the train and joking and all, and today we seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum,talk about a real life version of "unbreakable". Now i realli noe what Samuel L Jackson felt when he finally managed to find Bruce Willis, whose luck was of total opposite to him. Oh well, nonetheless, despite me turning greener than a brocolli in envy, despite the incessant, repetitive feeling of my failure in life, and despite the blatant disappointment reflected by my parents at the thought of me not reaching such heights,i still must congtratulate my friend for getting there. RESPECT.

Swimming at Bert's

Todae i went to swim at gilbert's place...and like I told him it felt like I wasn't in Singapore. Man, swiimming never felt better...did a few laps...then raced phil and bert...hahaha...luckily my freestyle still can make it a bit....everybody was absolutely trashing me at breaststroke...
then went to the jacuzzi...talked cock...the normal az-phil-bert talk which basically begins with..."sekali" greeted by a damn lewd comments and lots of laughter...only one bad thing hapened....
dislocated my shoulder
bleargh...luckily it popped right in...but until now a bit sore lar...me and my butterfly, damn it u must hav strong shoulders to do it man...hahaha..

Getting Down and Dirty

Despite all the business from work, maju and tuition, i still seem to feel unfulfilled and i dont know why...its like I feel a certain emptiness...boredom, even though its obvious im slogging away to earn money for university....sigh...
im realli not sure wat to do man...oh well...been doing lotsa reading though and dats gotta be a good thing....i just gotta sink my hand in to something...get involved...get "dirty....hmmm i will update u once i find something....thought of doing some volunteer stuff but im realli not sure bout dat...sometimes i think i use that phrase for fun...man time is runnin out...

Last but not least, this verse has been ringing in my ear for the longest time...

My friends keep telling me,
That if you realli love her,
Youve gotta set her free...
And if she returns in kind,
I noe shes mine...

Realli?

Out.

posted by Me @ 4:53 PM 0 comments

Everybody hurts... someday

My 30th hour of work

Yes ladies and gentleman, I am officially now into my 30th hour at work. But I am feeling quite good cos just has a supern filling lunch with Gilbert. Anyways I also managed to eke out a good sleep eyst so Im doing pretty alright. Yesterdae was rather tiring but it was a memorable day for many things...
- some excitment for once, one Bangla actually jumped from 2 floors to run away from us, hahaha talk about adrenaline rush
- sleeping on the matress with Phil and even finding time to talk a bit of shit, realli reminded me on days at TRACOM
- hearing the most crappy stuff come out of Bro Colin's mouth(and I thought i was full of shit), he is super hilarious and he talks bout sex matters so openly i can do nothing but just gape!!
- watching Zhang Xueling and Li Jiawei in the Olympics Semis, realli admire these people, as I watch them I wonder how they cabn fight back from being game/match points down. Me and phil stood and cheered in unison and we were rewarded for our vociferous support with Li Jiawei's victory to go into the semis...she was super focused and thats an true sign of a great athlete.

The Space Between

Canu imagine how long ktv takes to finish one entry? Due to a combination of extreme exhaustion and unforseen factors, this is my first chance to finish up this entry. Let me see today is the 21st of August. Li Jia Wei crashed out of the semis...sigh...and well I went to watch AVP and also went for Maju. So, as a famous-black-rapper once said (k i dont noe who did but it was probably a rapper, who's black, and famous), "Let's break it down."

Maju

I had by far the best Maju session yesterday. As usual attendance was f***d up but it was ok, there were six of us yesterdae, me, Jerrard, Damu, Jeremy, Sean and terence. We started of with a 4 v 4 with the republic Poly guys. Initially of course we were shaky and conceeded a 2 goals. But that was the end of that. I think at the end we managed to put in about 15 without reply. Hahaha, but of course they were tired so.... (Doesnt take the smile of my face)

We then had an internal 3 v 3 and it was me jeremy and damu versus sean, jerrard and terence. There was lots of trash-talking but amazingly we managed to pull of a great win!!!

AVP

After Maju, I rushed for prayers at my UNcle's before heading to watch AVP at Princess with Jerrard. Its the 3rd week Ive hung out with him and well no regrets. We've found a new haunt in Princess Cinema. Its in Bedok,and despite what everybody thinks I think its super value for money. Of cos the seats arent great and all, but for 7 bucks on a Saturday night....superb!! AVP was ok, highly entertaining, and I'm completely in love with the predator get-up. Def am gonna get it.

So dats dat, been a tiring week but will be looking forward to the week to come, cos I get to spend two days with Uni, already downloaded the Village to watch together tom so well, Im counting down the hours.

One more thing, to Jerrard my man, I noe your reading this. Cheers dude! Thanx for everything yesterdae. Am realli grateful to have a friend like you.

Out.

posted by Me @ 12:16 PM 0 comments

Just one of those days...

its been a while since ive blogged, but let me just ramble on in my thoughts....

Inspection - 1530 to 1750 yesterday

Oh well, wat can i say, saw it coming ever since that "incident" happened. Of cos as much as Im supposed to say it here since it is a blog, the thing is if its ever seen by other eyes, i might get into trouble so let me just say cos of it, im now stuck in full-u in office...realli dont make sense...then again....does anything else make sense in my life right now?

Well we had to stand for quite a while which was ok for me, however my eye had given nme trouble the whole day, my contacts were totally fucked and well my eye was tearing the whole tiome in the hot sun....bleargh...commander then gave a talk to us, and I really ahve started viewing him in a different light. I honestly think he's quite a high-flyer and now do quite respect him, cos his words were quite sincere and he realli looked like he meant wat he said. That is of cos my opinion, but as always ...time will tell.

Nike Real Run
Wow, this was a real run to the max! It was ok actually my goal was to run it non-stop, not really much care for the timing, but as I told phil, "if you run non-stop, your timing will prob be quite ok anyways." Anyways it was all good till we reached the sand part, oh man it was pure hell, I tried to run lower to the shore, where the sand as more compact, but ultimtealy it came at a price as the lapping of the waves filled my shoes up with seawater, hence explainnig the stink that is coming from under my table now....but ultimately completed it in a respectable time of 1:09. Of cos the clock was started when the horn was blown, so realli dunno what my actual timing was, prob a few minutes faster than 1:09? I dunno....the impt thign was that i completed it lar...

Dillemmas
A day or two ago uni asked me "Yang, is it ok with you if a guy friend sends me home if its quite late at night?"...and I replied, at first...
"Sure dear if its realli late lar."
A few minutes later I said...
"Then again dear, to be honest Id rather u not"me and my big mouth....hahaha.
I realli dunnoe actually but somehow Im sure thsoe who are or hjave beebn attached can testify that as much as you wanna allow your other half to freely mix around and spend time with ppl of the other sex, u still would feel nervous about what might develop...even though 8 outta 10 times it prob wont happen....oh well...

Sigh, will all roads lead back to me?
In the mean time gotta go shred paper.
Out.

posted by Me @ 11:50 AM 0 comments

Don't leave me ..... all-alone

All at sea

Today me and phil were supposed to go running with the regulars, and surprise, surprise, they brilliantly left us behind, and went off without us, not telling us....what kinda friends is dat? honestly, Im realli disappointed in all of them lar. Its realli sad how ppl can play you out in a matter of minutes, i now understand why phil felt so mad when me and bert went to makan without informing him. Oh wel lets just let bygones be bygones man....

Brunch Talk

Today brunch talk was very enlightening cos for once we actually talked about something else instead of the normal, jopking rubbish we usually indulge in. We talked about stuff like work, and bert talked bout success adn how being successful is not something which depends only on you, the way other people perceive it and react to it is also impt. Very true bert. We ended off the talk cock session singing we are the champions....kinda funny dont you agree?
Hot saturday afternoon....3 guys sitting at the coffeesehop...singing freddy mercury's hit....ratehr audibly. Hahaha....its realli stuff like this which gives you the strength to go on, cos there are friends...real friends to look forward to.

Oh well today will have Maju, sorry but im not so enthu anymore, didnt even feel anything when jeremy said he couldnt make it today. Oh well.....so be it.
Tomorrow is nike real run, will behoping to meet up wif friends and enjoy the scenery. In the meantime to all my gymboyz at Bedok....here's a toast to all of ya.

Out.

posted by Me @ 10:56 AM 0 comments

hell freezes over

Relief
It finally is August 10th, the day Ive been waiting for for so long. Finally NDP is over. Finally I don't have to rush for Ops orders. Finally I don't have to do OOP's dirty work, or get scolded by Jimmy. Finally I don't have to wear full-U. Finally I can feel like me again.Phew.

ExcitementBeyond a shadow of a doubt I am excited at the fact that I will have more time on my hands in the coming 2-3 months. Hopefully the new SA HOT will come, and we will have one more extra hand in the office. Im excited for Uni, that shes starting school and all. And most of all im excited that I can finally have more time to do stuff like get that online job ive been searchin, searchin for more study funds, and of cos concentrate more on this blog...and hope fully try and brainstorm more on the WITS project.

Realisation
But then as always, when a person is about to reach the brink of happiness, he looks over the horizon and sees the dark clouds beyond. Of cos they arent movin' any closer to us...but we sure are to them. Oh well, I noe that sooner or later, work is gonna pile-up, deadlines will increase and loom closer, uni will be less free and I will be right back where I started. It saddens me sometimes when I think bout it but its all part of life. I believe dat u can never reach true happiness. True and complete happiness. Cos even when u think u have everything, u noe and realise the shadow of death looms around the corner, and u realise u will have to leave everything u have on this earth. Sigh.
Lets not be this way Azrul.

Im now listening to this song called "now" by switchfoot. Amazin stuff man, honestly I would love to hear the acoustic version of it. Its that sort of thing which can realli let u sit back and think of the past....
...jamming wif the guys...at qader's place late at night....
...lying in the loft before soccer...
...friday afternoons after school...
...getting ready to walk out...
...looking longingly as she walks past...
...that run in macritchie....beautiful...
...watching the DVD in the comfort of the sofa-bed as the mightn closes in...
...hanging with my classmates after school, playing stupid games...looking at the sky and realising that yes...things can be alright after all...

Those were the memories dat came to me...
sigh...i miss those days when things were simple, but we try our best wif wat we have...although me and phil sometimes feel we live in the most f**D up and complicated of places, we look beyond it and realise that things can still be alright.

Listening to switchfoot songs on a lazy afternoon is realli nice. I can just see myself lying in the porch with these songs on and fallin asleep on the beach chair.
Dreams.

Hell did freeze over. It will thaw soon. But I will enjoy wat is left of this time. Cheers to all at Ops unit. We deserve this break.

Out.

posted by Me @ 4:25 PM 0 comments

Its times like these...

Its been 3 days since the last blogged, but without further adieu, here I go.

The Best Time in the World

The best time in the world, to me is wif Uni, and today we reached the apex of it all...Late Sunday afternoon, have lunch together, on the air con, lay out the sofa bed, then watch a DVD, it was the closest Ive got to happy in a long while man, and it was realli refreshing. The best thing bout Uni is dat I just love the fact that she relies and depends, on me. It makes me feel....responsible...and I am realli grateful she realli trusts me wif everything.

Maju United
Things have come to a terrile heap of mess/crap/shit at Maju. I cannot stand coach's attitude anymore. He is super cynical, and doesnt have any faith in us, he refuses to train us, unless we have a team. Unless we have the players... Well yah like its possible to from a team when we have nothing to work for....even ppl like lionel and all , jerrard, ben , damu... all of us are realli down, and non more disillusioned then me. Here I am struggling thru life in NS, trying to find a place where I can enjoy myself, working out 3 times a week just to be in competitive form for the team, only to waste time on the pitch. Coach lambasted me in front of the team, yet again and I hate it,cos I thought he could have talked to me away from anybody, and when I asked the guys if they wanted to have a proper warmup, all the malay guys, and even worse the rest of the guys, also kept quite. I think im losing my motivation and im not improing my self at maju. Well in short if nothings gonna happen, then im gonna go.

Predictions for Man United

My most honest predictions as a close to 10-year fan
1) This year's EPL will be a whopper of a season, with great teams, great players...etc etc...
2)Will be hell of a close season, Man u will be competing with a lot of teams
3)2004-2005 Stars for Man U
- ronaldinho
- djemba-djemba(if hes given the chance)
- alan smith
- louis saha
- darren fletcher
- rio ferdinand
and most imptly, my man,
- paul scholes
With no England commitments, Man U will benefit.

4) Forlan will leave
5)Nistelrooy will not be scoring much

and my last prediction for the moment, though I may of cos be highly wrong and be roasted for it

6) Man U may do better in Europe than in EPL.
But I honestly want the EPL title back.

Work

All I can say is that as I go thru work is dat, as smart as ppl are or as not-so-educated people are, u can never tell how good a worker is until u see them in action, cos dont be surprised dat as limp biskit says,results may vary, never think that education guarantees evrything. I should learn from dat to.

"Its times like these,
You learn to live again.
Its times like these,
You give and give again.
Its times like these,
You learn to live again.
Its times like these,
Time,
and time again.

Out.

posted by Me @ 10:51 PM 0 comments

When forgetting is bliss...

Just a short one for today,
cos BUffy is gonna start son, im pretty determined to catch the very last season,cos the series has seen me through quite a few years....still rem when i had a pic of sarah michelle gellar in y file in secondary...hahaha...i also dunno what in the blue hell i was trying to prove....well....i was within striking distance...until freddie prinze came along...i mean what does he have that i dont?
everything
hahaha...

Today i spent my lunch with uni, for the first time ever since I came to Bedok HQ, it was fantastic, the best thing about uni is that she makes me forget....forget that im chest deep in shit and sinking, and that i am in the worst place on earth...and i love her for that, cos i dont think anyone else can make me forget such vivid memories...well I hope I get a chance to spend time with her soon...the only prob is cos when she has to go, then it realli sux...
sigh
such a unigma

now the guys are havin Ops, and here I am sitting down in my room bloggin, I feel kinda bad, esp since phil and vincent are also there...but somehow if I let my heart get to my head in this business, I noe I will not get anywhere...sorry guyz, but I need the rest after last week...
right now we are t-4 days to the end of the season....
God speed us there
and keep our sanity
Out.

posted by Me @ 12:24 AM 0 comments

No man is an island....

posted by Me @ 9:49 AM 0 comments

bleeding for u....

This morning i woke up to my mom screaming my head off at my brother, Azizul....realli dont know wat was the prob, but i couldn sleep any longe wif all the noise so i just listened to evrything and well wat i heard realli disappointed me....
1) she seems to think dat i blame the world for evrything except myself...
yah well im wrong i guess...cos...well did have a hand in my ns im sure, u noe and i actually chose to be a seargent in the police force...
lots of sense..yes.
2) she referred to me as a failure, saying dat she didnt want my bro to be like me, paying attention to my ECAs to much...and in the end....
hmmm...and to think she could at leats take a bit of pride in me, this has realli left me torn, cos i thought she still had a bit of respect for me....
right....
3) she said she didn like the house being a place for complaining....referrin to me complainin bout work and evrything and taking it out on everybody....
well if the house aint a place to a your thoughts i dont noe where else i can...not like other people dont take their feeling out to the rest of the ppl in the house...
Hypocrites...
4) for once all that my bro said did make sense...but why things will always be like this, and my parents will never be able to solve things is cos of one thing, which i think is prevalent in most elder ppl...
THEY ALWAYS THINK THEY ARE RIGHT.
are dont noe wat it is bout adults but they never fail to amaze me with their degree of arrogance...they think young people are stuck up and all....
but the truth remains that they will never admit they are wrong and see things from their point of view....
and dat will always be my parents' achilles heel....
its just dat when u are an adult, you cannot see things from you point of view....or worse still from your point of view when u were your kids' age...
dats even worse!!!
cos when u were kids, it was so damn different...
sigh...wateva...
I got tution in a while...right now im just coopin myself in the room and thinkin bout stuff as im chatting to jerrard on msn....
more on this when i get angrier....hope dat time doesnt come...
Out.

posted by Me @ 12:38 PM 0 comments

So much for my happy ending....

As promised, here I am back home,typing my 12th entry in my blog. Today has been a tiring day in all, and tom I still have to go for a double dose of tuition. But first things first...lets talk...

NDP Preview 2004
Today we had ops for dat, i was suppose to be a staff aider, tried to make the most of it lar, created my own template and all, and eventually was manning the CCTV thingey, so wasnt so bored, so, i repeat, trust me i almost fell asleep around 4...didnt manage to walk around wif HOT and wear dat cool wireles thing but its ok i dont mind, had vincent to talk wif the whole day, and it was kinda enlightening to a certain sense, i just realised how cruel SPF can be, i mean hes quite a high-flyer to me, but ultimately i dont think hes got a promotion or will get when his tenure ends lar...
Vince my man, just leave k? u have too much potential to waste...
I remember him telling me dat he wanted to sign on so he could earn money, and i realli respect dat man.
Had a good chat wif phil the man on the way back from the stadium lar...the funny thing is we are usually the only ones talking in the van, and we are so full of shit!! but its ok man, somehow i dont care what people think bout me, as long as I act like myself....i used to be quite scared in the past but well its gettin less now....hahaha...

Uni
We talked for a while on thurs night, and somehow towards the end, i got realli tired and didnt say much, and she onher part just shut up too....it got realli bad, and i eventually raised my voice quite significantly wondering why she was just shuttin up....later on when we hung u she said she was sad dat we didnt have anything to talk about...
That is so untrue.
Wif uni i can talk bout anything in the world, and dat day was just one of those off days...i mean i dont think its wrong to just act tired once in a while, considering how well ive been hiding it with her just to make her happy....sigh now im quite paranoind bout talking to her...and havnt done so for two whole days...sigh...just stay tuned folks....

Scholars
Today two OMS scholars came into command post, heard em , saw em, and hell more than anything i envied them...instantly this idea came to me...
1)rich
2)got a chick
3)smart
4)good in just bout everything
5)realli lucky
oh well...one of em was i think bout a year or two older than me from RI, i rem his face....things are so easy for em...cos their path in life, and path to success is paved...with nice little flowers along the way...
Me? I cant even find the way out of the mess im in now....
Sigh...what will happen to me?
i realli dunno man....

oh well im a little tired now...so i shall make a move.... no doubt ive lived my life as a dreamer....
i just hope i wont keep just dreaming for the rest of my life...
so much for my happy ending....
Out.

posted by Me @ 12:38 AM 0 comments