Neither Regret Nor Denial
I know its crazy, but I think the only way is to blog about it. Its been over 4 months plus yet I still keep thinking about it. Most of the time I don't, well I don't think about it so intently, yet at times, like how it is now, it keeps me awake(its 0618hrs now) and tossing and turning. I wish it wasn't this way, and I realli am putting no effort to live in the apst, but I hate how it just creeps up on you and reminds you of things.I saw her kicking around today, and although it was only a few seconds, I kept asking why she could not do it, do such a simple thing when it counted most. Why we couldnt just have had dat bit of luck, it wasn't a bicycle kick wasnt it, it was just a simple touch. We didnt deserve to lose it, at least not dat way. And although I do not blame her, i do not forget.
It realli sux at times, and at times I wish I was never there in the first place, I think about the new ones, some of whom already show signs of not being able to be trustworthy and not being able to be relied upon, some of whom are confused. I dunno how they will be like when they are adults, will they be just as self-centred? I hope and pray for their sake that it is not. Some inspire me, like the super 7 (as i call them), who have yet to fail me, and for whom I would do absolutely anything for, because I know that they will do the same.
Its realli scary at times, when your whole world revolves around things that you sometimes have no control over. And it is realli disconcerting, when you have to pretend to be alright, you have to be the one to pick the other up, when there is nobody to pick you up. It makes one vulnerable and weak, not to mention lonely, and it realli realli sux at times.
I guess times like these will come and go, and I am desperate to bury its ghost, which has haunted me for so long. i dont wanna live in regret but neither do I wanna live in denial.
Out.
