Looking for a light

Yesterdae was hell of a tiring day for me, mainly due to the lack of sleep cos of the Ops. Basically Vic picked me up at 3 am, and we headed to station. I din sleep much, had maju earlier on Saturday, which I will touch on later... Then went back for dinner aty Uncle Tony's and headed for night prayers, which ended about 9 plus thankfully. I was up till bout 1115 and then had to sleep. Coudnt sleep till bout 12, so ultimately only had 2 plus hours before the Ops.

At the Ops I was super sleepy, and did doze off a coulpe off times, with the console right in front of me. It got pretty broing once all the minsters were ionside for the conference and we din have much to do. Worse still, I couldnt even eat any lunch to kill time. Thankfully though, despite time passing at a snail's pace, evrything was over by 2 lpus, and I got home by 3 plus. What a tiring day. I only slept two more hours after dat before going for night prayers again. So here I am abck in office for the start of a new week, and I'm dead tired even though its just lunch time, thought of taking half the day off to spend time with Uni, but realised it was fasting month, so had to give it a miss.

Anyways it was realli frustrating yesterdae, being so tired from the Ops, time passing so slowly, and Uni giving me the cold shoulder. Basically we had a little tiff, hmm don' think it was even dat, but well little things to us guys are magnified a million times for girls so I don't know. Anyways I apologised (as usual), but din get any reply. Up till now she still giving me the cold shoulder and its really frustratin, but not like I can do anything about it, cos it'll prob worsen things if I ask. But anyways I'm just trying to numb myself wif the increased workload, so I dont think too much about this.

But its not realli working very well.

And we started back at one.

Last week I came to Maju early , lokoing forward to a tgood training, after all the promise which was shown in the preceeding two weeks. Instead, coach asked us to play a game wif Rep Poly. So we did and won 1-0, missing a multitude of chances which would have given a more accurate picture of the match. Half the guys from RP were shacked out, prob cos of fasting and the trainign they had prior to the match. But we wasted chance after chance, and almost allowed them to score back, on several occasions. I played a shithole of a first half, as usual letting things in my head get to me. The second half was much better, and I think props should go to terence and damu, who handled the situation well, and stopped RP from charging down the right.

After the match, coach talked to me and fong bout club stuff, asking us to come early to see what we can do for the program. I then approached coach myself, and wanted to give him feedback bout wat ppl were thinkin. I told him we were all klinda happyw if all the training and morale was up, and ppl like Ben wanted to come back asap cos of it. All I needed was a smile, and some happiness from him, to make my day...

Instead he launched into his stupid, normal speech again about, us not having a team, and we prob shouldnt be training, bout theres no point of training if ppl are gonna go and play for other teams...yada yada yada...I was just about to rebut him when I realised that just like my supervisor at work, there will be no point. Cos wihout thinkin, they will just rebut, and bury all your arguments, using the same old lines without thinkin....stupid. Experience is good, but more often than not ppl adopt this "I cannot be wrong cos Ive seen it all " attitude.

Damu told me that as the coach he had the right to change his mind. Well he aint wrong but I just know soon things are gonna turn back to how it was before, which was less than 3 weeks back, if we dont keep this good run going. right now, I dont even know how things are gonna be mext week. I spoke to Fong bout what were gonna do next week, and I told him that there were ppl there willing to commit like me, but are not being rewarded at all.

Sometimes Fong is sometimes so damn naive it annoys me. I dunno whats going on in his head. His loyalty to coach doesnt allow him to see the bigger picture. The root of the matter remains that with whateva we have left of a squad here in Maju, we have to do something with it, so it will grow, or risk losing it foreva.

Im scared, scared that things will never progress. Indeed soccer is meant to be loved but it gives me so much pain. This pain must stop.

And stop it I will. Just how i do it is the question.

It may never come.

Great things start from the smallest of things, but if you wanna keep waitin and waitin, for bigger things to come, you may lose that little precious thing, and never start on that road to greatness.

Indeed a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Things in my life are realli messy right now, and evidently, not evrything is going the way i want it to. worse still when Uni is one of the problems, it hits me realli hard.