Looking for a light

Yesterdae afternoon was spent rushing making calls, trying to get a collar pin for the upcoming dinner. I was rather frantic since there was not much time left, and I kept getting greeted wif the normal reply that the number I wished to make was too small....oh well...

But more than that were the sheepish looks I was greeted with by Gilbert and Phil. Oh well, I guess they had all the right to right...?

Then Phil said...

"They actually want to action..."

Action btw in this capacity meant to show off.

I completely lost it, and shut the yellow pages, sat down and lost any inspiration or desire to try and make the collar pin.

Its really frustrating when people dismiss your efforts and see it in a different light. I was trying realy hard to rush the collar pin, cos I wanted to give my team something to remember other than the gold medals. I wanted us to have a sense of identity, and the only thing that I wanted to "show off" was our unity, amongst the many sportsmen and ex-VJCians at the dinner. Becos basically all my team had, was our unity, we weren't the most skilled, the fittest, or tactically aware....But we stuck by each other no matter wat. And to me dats what set my team apart from any other team VJ has produced. And the two gold medals that we won, was testimony to the fact that the team off the field was as equally impt as the team on it.

But anyways back to the tale of the day. I was realli disappointed. Especially since this collar pin, and my efforts in trying to make it happen was something which I held close to my heart. And well, sometimes, wat ppl say gets to me immensely.

Then later at night, i was tlking to my brother about the change of RI's headmaster...and told him how my batch didnt like him in particular... and his reply?

"Your batch sucked wat..."

Yet again, I stormed off into my room, muttering and cursing under my breath.

I guess its always simple to say things when you are not in the person's seat, and I, amongst most ppl am guilty of it.

He wasnt the one whohad to spend his sec 4 year adapting to the "homeroom" system, which was an utter waste of time and energy....nor was he the one who had to endure the change in senior/junior recess to one combined recess. I thing the most painful thing for the class of 2000 was seing how the school changed form a dynamic institution to one where the emphasis was on studies....just like any other school. It hurt us that soccer was closed down, that rugby had gone down the drain, that we no longer broke records at national schools track, nor challenged 4 titles at X-country. More than that the Rafflesians of today who had been under the same headmaster for 4 years did not feel the gravity of change that we felt....which was obvious. It just boils down to the fact that if you dont noe it, you wont miss it, which was wat we experienced.

But I guess he was entitled to his comments nonetheless....

Well, as gilbert mentioned, the inescapable but beautiful fact of this world is dat even in the worst of times you can learn something....and I learnt that sometimes saying things which you might not think twice about may affect the person u direct it to in a bad way.

And i'm so guilty of this. And I must make the effort to shut my mouth up, rather than speak wat I feel without thinking...oh well. Enough about this, it s depressing to hold a mirror up to youself.

Maju is in a few hours...man. I'm really dreading it somehow. I just noe I'm gonna waste my time again today. This is so bad. I have to act soon, cos its eating away. Somehow nowadays I dont realli wanna go there. I don't think I'm spending any quality time.

Sounds tacky but true. But well, if I were Michael I wouldn't be taking my own lyrics too seriously.

The mirror's a dangerous place for him.