Like Humans do...
Today I feel so vulnerable.
So mortal.
So human.
Wel, not taht i dont feel like a human normally, but today how we humans sometimes live in the illusion that we are in control, when God can easily show otherwise, and not always in a good way.
On wednesday, a fello PNSF, Ilyas passed away cos of a motor accident.He was not in my squad, though we were from the same company. We often said Hi and bye when we saw each other, cos we sort ofknew each other from primary school days, when he was thought by my mom. I told my mom the news, and she was realli shocked too.
Ilyas, was a nice guy, well at least I knew he was, he was super-fit, won "best fitness" in TRACOM, and was also together wif me in the GOH contingent. And he went to Special Ops Command, and was in the Troop branch of SOC, which for an NSman in Police, was a very high honour, if not th highest. One moment he was riding high, doing wellin NS and the next he was dead. Gone. Not even injured or something.
I was thinkin about it, and somehow my mind just cannot accept it. I cant believe he is no longer around. Maybe its cos it was so sudden. At least for my grandpa, he was sick and all and we knew his time on earth was coming to an end. But for Ilyas, it hit me in the blindest of spots.
And I feel really small, and realise how Ive been taking everything, evrything for granted. And God can take it away from me at any time, but he hasnt, even though I havent been the best Muslim around.
My prayers tonight go to Ilyas, and also his family, I was thinking about how his family would react to it, considering how sudden it was.
East Coast Camp
To a lighter topic, thecamp on wednesday to thursday was realli fun, I realli wanted to make it and even came back to thecampsite after the Ops, at around 5 am. It was realli great spending time wif the family, my mom not stressing over work, my dad not rushing around, everything was perfect. I told myself to make an effort to spend more time wif the famil, cos well just dont want things to turn out the way they didwith my late grandpa. I realli wished I had spared some time wif him. But self-centred me just prevailed.
I realli hope we get to do this again.
"Where did you get posted?" - Dad
"RJ lar, unlike some people" - Azizul, my brother
Well Im rather hurt by the line, since I knew he was referring to. It realli makes me feel useless and inferior, more than I alreadi do all this time. But its ok, I guess everyone is entitled to their opinions, and anyways wat he said was the truth, I didnt go to RJ. But well the tone was rather cutting. Wateva it is, as I mentioned earlier, Ive had enough of my self-centred self, esp wif regards to the family, and I dont wanna take heart into this. Just hope Azizul does well in RJ, and he goes to a realli good Uni. For me, my path has been laid in front of me, so it up to me how I wanna walk it. Maybe this line was just a reflection of myself, and all the cutting lines I deliver to ppl. Sigh.
God is fair.
Out.
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