Looking for a light

Today I thought about how thankless life can be, and how eveyrbody thinks so, evreybody thinks that they are not being shown the gratitude that they deserve but ultimately, I think the ones that are patient and selfless enough to give and not expect anything will get what they want. I mean its no point realli getting a thank you just because you feel u should get it rite?

So well, I think trudging to life lately has been confusing, sometimes I feel like not doing the things I do, because I'm not getting much materialistically outta it. But rite after dat I slap myslef in the face and tell myself dat dat is the biggest pile of shit dats come out of my mouth in a long time. Aiyoh, I hate it when I get all selfish and all, seriously, i've come a long way from being the self centred prick I was back in primary and lower secondary. Then again I'm already 22 so its high time. Well, i know some of us still think dat im a bit self centred, ok, sorry lar, budden I think u are prob rite. I mean its hard not being even a little self centred in a country like singapore. But one thing I'e learnt is realli to do things for people dat make me happy.

As some of you know, I do not like taking rides from people, mainly cos damn pai seh, and also cos my dad almost never gives me rides. Good and bad lar. Good cos i have mastered the public transport system and am now relatively streetsmart. Bad when u go thru schools like VJC and RI, where ppl get driven everywhere. Sometimes I just feel it would be nice to se my parents drive up to fetch me from somewhere, but it never happens, perhaps except when my dad sees me at the mosque after prayers and he gives me a lift back home, which is one bus stop away.

Alright enough about my dad lar, makes me angry at times, I was realli inspired by the stroy of the Malaysian Dad who carries his son, yes literally carries his son to the doctor everyday cos of his son's paralysis since an accident. It was realli inspiring and I told myself, dats the sort of dad I would wanna be. Not of cos to spoil my child, but to give him a helping hand anytime he needs one.

I feel crappy when i see ppl getting lifts from their parents, but mostly its cos i noe i dont get one, and not cos I feel that they are pampered or something lar. I mean after a long day, a lift would be good. I rem one day in sec 3, when i hurt my ankle asnd asked my dad if he could give me a lift from eunos mrt cos my leg realli hurt after rugby, and he said no. Tell u man, scarred for life. Simei to Eunos, 15 min max. Also cannot. Tsk tsk.

And dats kinda why i feel damn pai seh to hitch rides and stuff. Cos my dad has always made me feel taking a ride is like free loading. ok he may not have intended it but it has left me dat impression.

Ok enough man, im getting too angry for my own good.

Out.

posted by Me @ 11:24 PM