Looking for a light

Is it worth it trying to go out your way for people when ultimately u may not get it in return?

People always say that its not good to do things and then expect things in return. Well, true I guess. But then again, its only human to feel that you deserve something. But after NS, and getting posted to perhaps, and possibly, the worse goddamn hellhole a human can bein that is SPF, i stopped believeing that as long as you work hard, you will get something in return.

Today I took 5, yes 5 buses home, from Johor,toat least spend a bitof my Sat with Uni. Unfortunately, she left for Johor today.

Sometimes I am thankful that at least my faith, which cannot run away, disappear, hate me, avoid me, or grow distant, stays wif me. For dat, life is worth living.

On sat, after 2 years, i finally took my first steps out of Singapore. I left on Friday, and me and my bro actually freakin walked along the causeway. It was quite ok actually, but the funny thing was, as fast as we walked, lotsa ppl were overtaking us. Suddenly I realli felt rather slow. The weather was also hot and humid, and the constant roar of the motorcyle a foot away didnt do anything to make things better.

But, we survived and reached my grandma's house. I basically spent the wholetime there slacking.Watched a malay VCD, looked at the fishes, which were bloody huge... and also laterin the nite went for dinner at the nearby road stalls. I ate some tandoori dish which was about 4 ringgit, less than 2 bucks in Singapore.

I basically made the trip for one purpose, which was to spend time with my Grandma. Sometimes I realli feel bad that shes there all alone, and I dont have time nor take the effort to see her. She misses my late grandpa(the one who passed away last year) a lot, I can tell. And she lives in Johor all alone, in a three storey house. She would have sold the house and moveed back to Singapore, if not for the fact that she wanted to tend to the fishes and the plants, which were a legacy of my grandpa's. She just keeps holding on, as if ending to them was like tending to my grandpa. She just keeps holding on.

Sometimes I feel sad. But I also feel very heartened by it. That is what true love is all about. The cliches are all true. It never dies.

Went back to VJ dat day to play soccer against the juniors, and lost 3-2. They are real good, played hard, and ran a lot, typical VJ. Funny thing was, as I played, rested, changed up and drove away with Daniel in Esmond's car, I didnt feel a sense of longing to return, like i did before. I think I've moved on, and managed to take the best part of VJ wif me. I guess the thought dat all i did in VJ came to naught in NS did play a part in all this. But im grateful all the same.

Exciting stuff are coming up wif the RI malay guys, I hope we can do great in this latest venture of ours. Somehow, we always do well together, hope this is no different.