Looking for a light

Is it wrong not being able to look up to your dad? I seem to be having this problem to dat. I respect him, no doubt about that, and I am so grateful for allthe things he does for the family. But somehow, I just cannot seem to put him on a pedestal, admire him and tell myself "I wanna be like him".

I feel rather guilty about it, considering he's my dad, I mean to a lot of people, the person whom they consider as their personal hero, is their dad, but well, honestly, I'm not in that category.

This is mainly cos' of the certain developments I've seen lately, that realy woke me up to the fact that he aint realli somebody I should look up to and all. He has admirable qualities, but not those that I think are important, especialy in the life we live today.

I feel realli down, thinking bout this, but I know its thetruth, and I cannot keep telling myself that he is somebody I want to emulate in the future, cos its not realli true.

Oh well, i shall stop here for now, just wanted to get this off my chest and into cyberspace. Funny right? Some ppl say blogging is not realli ethical cos u let the WHOLE world noe about your problems, but somehow I feel fine just typing away, I'm not realli sure why.