The Buck Stops Here
What a crap fucking day. Itz amazing how events 3000km away can pretty much ruin your day for you, but its exactly whats happening here. Things are fine over here, I've been on top of my work, results are good, and I have a good place to stay in, and a reasonable social circle, enough for me at least. The sun's out, weather is beautiful, its just one of those days that you think "Hey, what a great day to wake up to!".Unfortunately, I just gotta sound off about things at home over here, truth be told things at Lombardi arent good, I'm trying my best over here, but there really isn't much that I can do, cos the people who can do something about it, dont have that extra push in them to do it. Then again its not their fault, cos this whole thing is my idea, so the buck has to stop with me. Thats one thing I have to think about in 2010, find ppl who can actually be proactive enough to say the buck CAN stop with me too. I just feel very helpless and frustrated cos I wanna be the person who picks up the buck back home.
Its frustrating, doubly frustrating when all you can do is type in messages on your phone, or type a PM on msn in an effort to get across a msg you know you can only best say when said face to face.
Also, i think my friendship with one of my closest players has gone down the drain, dats for sure. Over football and Lombardi? One might ask, and might say its not worth it. And yeah I'll prob say the same, but its harder being said then being done, but talking online with her yesterday I knew in my heart things are already not the same. Realli crap, a few months ago, I would have pretty much given everything to make sure that she would be ok, just as I have over the past 2-3 years we've known each other. But now as much as I want to, I just can't look at her in the same light anymore. What a pity, I never thought it would happen but now that it has, let bygones be bygones.
Looking back at all these frustrations and such, sometimes I feel that its not worth it. Honestly, I know its fully in my power to stay off the charts and not make an effort, cos who can do anything about it? But I guess dats not my style, I hate buck passing, having seen it first hand for so many years in SPF and in VJ. So yeah it shall stop with me, as always. Whatever mess in Lombardi there is, I think that only I have the full mandate to claim responsibility over it and for dat I shall.
Alright, dats enough of dat, glad I got that out, just cos I mean thats the purpose of this place, to say whatever i need to say. I am gonna go for a long long run now (hopefully 15k if i have the legs, which I should). But yes, whoever you are, thanx for reading this far man.
Missing all,
Az
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