Looking for a light

The Victory Within

Sorry if some of you tried to look for my blog and it appeared locked. Or something, truth was that it was not accidental, I had to get some realli heavy stuff off my chest, which I knew was gonna hurt people I care for, so I decided to get it all typed out, published it and then I just deleted it.

The past few days have been hard for me at training, I realised why I get so frustrated all the time nowadays is mainly due to my own expectations and benchmarks, which I know are unrealistic at times, sometimes I kick myself thinkin why I must want the girls to play a certain way, when they should just play the way they can play.

Sometimes when I come to think of it, feel like slapping myself in my face, I know I sure canot tahan this type of coach, although Mr Tan was like dat. "Was" ok, now he is a changed man, hahaha, as in honestly he is, but after the shirt tearing incident recently, must say that he still got the knack for it.

I guess I'm just hoping and praying the girls will ALL realise their potential, because they have so much of it. So I hope you all understand where I'm coming from, I wish I could say I'm happy with things, but I would be lying. If there comes a time when I am 100% satisfied then I am not doing my job as a coach, at least in this journey that hopefully has yet to reach its climax. I guess I do come across as being someone who can never be contented, and it sux.

Which brings me to yesterdae's chat with Miss Chua, my lecturer, whom i gave a ride home to ( in a bid to make up for coming to class late), and I was telling myself how much I hate being the person I am in training, and how it was causing a lot of conflict in me. And I promised myself that by the end of the season I will be able to find myself, and a good balanced style of doing things. I hope.

The past few weeks have been positive in terms of results, we are 3 pts away from the semis I believe, as of now, and although the play has not been fantastic, I have to give credit to the fact that we have come away with the desired results. I think ppl like MT and JJ should be credited for coming out with noteworthy performances thus far, I hope the rest will follow suit soon.

But as i said yesterday, to truly win this season, to truly be victorioius, we need to look at ourselves and think if we have done our best and conquered ourselves, our doubts, our fears, our weaknesses, our deficiencies, our egos. I believe I am still a long way from it, and I myself desperately want to discover this victory within. I hope with God's guidance, the girl's never-say-die attitude, and the sturdy frames of JR and Beng to lean on, I will be able to become a better person, I truly want to.

Oh and before I go, a shout out to all the seniors like Charmaine, Christl, Si Hui, Shi Ling, Grace, Wai Yen, Sara, Bee Teng, Tan Xuan, and Smith, seriously I am always filled with joy seeing how you guys will take the trouble to come and support the juniors, it means a lot to me, and I'm happy that you guys are so proud of them, because I am and will always be proud of you guys. Thank you for the support.

But for now, time to focus on the next game.

Out.

posted by Me @ 1:08 AM